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A bit of melancholy Fina’s version (to understand, not to hurt 💛): Marta, on the day I closed the door to our bedroom, I had no hope. I only had the truth. I left bc I was protecting you. And so, I found myself on the other side of the world. Imagine the silence, Marta. Not the cozy silence we shared, but a vacuum. There was nothing familiar around me - no scents, no sounds, no faces. Only pain, which over time became heavier than my own body. Every day was a struggle for survival: working just to avoid starving, sleeping in places where it was sometimes as cold as it was inside me. But the cold wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the necessity of burying my love for you every single day. I hid it as deeply as I could, bc carrying it openly was tantamount to su1cide. It was at that moment, at the very bottom of my despair, that Bianca appeared. Her world seemed the opposite of the darkness where I couldn’t breathe. I allowed myself to become part of her world not bc I had stopped loving you, but bc I could never be part of yours again. It was a compromise with reality. My way of surviving. Yes, I was happy with her. But it was a different kind of happiness. Bianca gave me support when my own legs refused to hold me up. She cared for me, she showed me that life could be arranged differently. But you must understand: she was my shelter, but not my home. Then your letter arrived. And that carefully constructed world, which had served as my protection, collapsed in an instant. I came to Toledo to put an end to things. It seemed to me that nothing could be restored, that I was too late for a lifetime. But when I saw you, everything else ceased to matter. I realized I couldn’t go back, no matter how comfortable my life there had become. Yet I was afraid. Afraid of hurting you, seeing your blue eyes full of love. And afraid of hurting the woman who had pulled me up from the bottom when I was no one. I felt like a traitor to both of you, and that guilt ate away at me from within. You say I have changed. Of course, I have changed. It’s impossible to go through the hell of exile and remain the same. Scars remain, the gaze becomes different. But one thing remains unchanged - my love for you. I know I deceived you, and I am not proud of it. But I want to stay near you, even if you don’t take me back. Bc seeing you, even from afar, is far more than searching for your eyes in a crowd of strangers, knowing I will never find them. In telling you this, I don’t wish to cause you more pain. I want you to understand: I, too, was trying to survive. In my own way, perhaps weakly, but I fought for the right to breathe. I am not ashamed that I sought light in the darkness to keep from going mad. But you are the one I would choose in every one of my lives, in every incarnation ✍🏻 S.V