Top Tweets for #HouseholdTipsForMen
#HouseholdTipsForMen
If your kid asks you if he can watch the first Benedict Cumberbatch “Dr. Strange” movie,
you need to ask yourself,
“Should he learn about the flugelhorn from Hollywood
Or is this something I should talk about with him myself?”.
#HouseholdTipsForMen,
courtesy of PCU.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
#HouseholdTipsForMen https://t.co/mRw82UaEHh
He couldn’t avoid making that promise with Mothers Day coming up soon.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
Every day is Thanksgiving.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
One of my kids has this desire to write a story for kids, so I’ve encouraged him to work in it.
Then I realized that his plot ideas are better than mine.
I think the lesson to me is,
Never encourage your children.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
My wife just disclosed her plan for cooking on Christmas Eve:
either it’s easily heated or it’s take-out.
Men, when you find a woman like this, marry her.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
Emery boards and tongue depressors may have similar shapes,
but they are not interchangeable.
This cannot be overemphasized.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
Uh, I mean, I assumed these clothes were clean when I put them on this morning.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
Love:
Love is life’s sweetest reward.
Let it flow.
It flows back to you.
#Wisdom
#HouseholdTipsForMen
So my working theory is
If I can hold off on my mid-life crisis until my 70s,
Then I am guaranteed to live to 140.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
Men, plan ahead for summer.
Buy a cow and start feeding it barbecue sauce.
Then it will be good and ready when it goes on the grill.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
My kids are at that awkward age when
my threats to turn on a British sitcom
does not send them to their beds,
but in fact now it makes them want to stay up.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
#HouseholdTipsForMen
Be careful what name you give your children.
Otto Octavius, Basil Elks, Edward Nygma, Deever & Dumfrey Tweed -
With names like this, your kid is 7 times more likely to grow up to be a super villain.
Nothing says marital commitment like time spent together,
say, driving all the way across town to replace a major appliance
that you knew was on its last legs but really, REALLY hoped would go another month or two.
Well, at least it didn’t go in Summer.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
#HouseholdTipsForMen
Starve a cold.
Feed a fever.
Invite pneumonia over for a big family dinner with lots of sides,
then rigorously interrogate it:
“What are you doing with your life?”
“How is your job?”
“Are you dating anyone special?”
“When are you getting married?”
Cat: “This sunbeam traveled 93 million miles to land on this blanket,
so I’m not moving!”
#HouseholdTipsForMen
One of the unexpected blessings to marriage that,
if I order something to eat and don’t like it,
my wife will probably like it and will eat it for me.
I do the same for her.
It’s like we jump on culinary grenades for each other.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
If you allow a kid to eat snack foods for 12+ hours,
followed by a meal of fast food burgers,
don’t be surprised if you’re cleaning up a mess at 2:30 in the morning.
#HouseholdTipsForMen
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