Top Tweets for #HumorFiles
A lot of the country has closed all their bars again, which is a shame. If there was ever a time when we all could use a good stiff drink...#GenePerret #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p #Comedywritingguru @Indiegogo https://t.co/dAtHSF9cE3 #WritingCommunity
We've added new jokes to Perret's #HumorFiles so take a peak! https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p. Don't forget we buy lines! #WritingCommnunity #Comedywriters #jokes
I get confused when I come to a corner with a working traffic light and a cop directing traffic. I never know which one to disobey.#GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
I was an only child. Well, I had two brothers and sisters, but I ignored them. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
Two women were banned from Major League Baseball for flashing Astro pitcher, Gerrit Cole in game 5 of the World Series. Many spectators are hoping that this will replace the 7th inning stretch. #GenePerret #JokeaDay #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
My first mystery novel didn’t make any sense. Even the character who did it, couldn’t figure out who did it. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p #WritingCommunity
George Washington is the first politician to say “I cannot tell a lie” and the last one to mean it. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
The kids are not crazy about my cooking. My one daughter came home from school and said about the lunch I made, “How do you burn a peanut butter sandwich?” #GenePerret #Jokeaday #BacktoSchool #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
I had a friend who would constantly tell me how intelligent and talented he was. I finally said to him, “Excuse me, but I think you have yourself confused with someone else.” #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
They say that every time God closes a door, He opens a window. That may be why He invented eternity--it takes Him that long to lock up at night. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
Car chases on television are exciting. The only other place you can see that many laws broken in that short a time span is during the Congressional Hearings. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
A town in California recently changed their municipal code to ban any words that are based on gender. The doors to all their public restrooms now have signs that say "Its" and "Other Its." #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p #Jokeaday
All my friends are very loyal...of course, not necessarily to me.
#GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
I hate doctor's waiting rooms. They have a new gimmick. They tell you your appointment is at 10 am but be here 15 minutes before your appointment. I didn't go to medical school, but doesn't that mean your appointment is at 9:45 am? #GenePerret #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
They say to let something go. If it truly loves you, it will return. Apparently, when I was a kid, I had 362 balloons that couldn't stand my guts. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
The battle cry of most comedy writers is "Geez, I wish I'd written that." #GenePerret #Jokeaday #WritingCommunity #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
A smile is a frown turned upside down...unless you're doing yoga at the time. Then it's just the opposite. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
In the Ukraine, a comedian has officially been elected President. The announcement of an opening act has yet to be made. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #standupcomedy #HumorFiles
I have a small replica of the #EiffelTower and I put it next to the fishbowl for 14 days. Now my goldfish think they vacation in Paris for 2 weeks every year. #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
The other day my boss said, "You're fired." I said, "You woke me up to tell me that?" #GenePerret #Jokeaday #HumorFiles https://t.co/eaYcN7Rt0p
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