Top Tweets for #MatQuotes
Me: Would you ever go hunting?
Mat: Idk. What am I hunting?
Me: Deer
Mat: No
Me: Turkey?
Mat: Probably not.
Me: So what?
Mat: Canadian fucking geese.
Me: I'm on board.
#priorities #MatQuotes #hunting #fuckgeese
Mat: ugh, stupid 30-year old body
Me: you're 32.
Mat: UGHHH.
#sorryboutthat #MatQuotes #realitysucks
Me: What happened to your hand?!
Mat: It's jelly.
*licks it off, then turns and stares at me.*
Me: What's wrong?
Mat: It's soap.
π I'm fucking dead ya'll. #MatQuotes
(The house is fully stocked with food, including prepped meals.)
Me: ...Why did you order Pizza?
Mat: we were out of milk
#MatQuotes #logic #whatevenisabudget
Sign: "Congested area ahead."
Mat: "It's already a congested area, cause you have allergies." #MatQuotes #smokymountains
Me: I think I might be getting sick.
Mat: *moves away from me*
Me: In sickness or in health, in SICKNESS or in health!
Mat: That doesn't start until Saturday! There's still time! #MatQuotes
I have the hiccups and they're not stopping.
Mat: I'm really stressed out by this and they're not even my hiccups. #MatQuotes
Watching Mat make a password. It was: charlielinuslucywoodstockpigpensnoopyschroderpatty
I asked him why.
"It says 8 characters." #MatQuotes #Imdonewithhim
Mat's playing Fortnite, and they're in a frozen tundra. "It looks like Indiana out here." #truestory #MatQuotes #Fortnite
Me: Did you eat your carrots?
Mat: No, but I looked at one kind of funny.
#MatQuotes #notthesamething
Me: I don't know what kind of dress to get! What do you think?
Mat: slutty.
#thereyouhaveitfolks #MatQuotes #heshelpful
*Watching Friends*
Me: See! They got married and it's only been 6 weeks!
Mat: Let me tell you how that works out for them.
Me: π
#RossandEmily #MatQuotes #touche
Me: Why don't you take me anywhere? I've taken you to Chicago, and I'm taking you to Michigan...
Mat: Um. I took you to the doctor once.
#MatQuotes #relationships
I asked Mat if he wanted to eat out tonight since we'll be "in town" shopping, and he said it sounded like we're from Little House on the Prairie. #truestory #MatQuotes
#MatQuotes: yeah, I can't find my wok, I think it disappeared.
Me: guess it wokked off, eh?
Mat:...so for dinner I'm
Me: CMON I'M HILARIOUS
Me: Next time I move, I need a new dresser.
Mat: WE COULD GO TO IKEA!!
#MatQuotes #waytooexcited #adulting
The Bf, yesterday: "It's a holiday! You're Cinco de Mine-o!" #MatQuotes #Cheesyaf #clearlybelongtogether
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