Top Tweets for #SportingParents
Sport is not their identity https://t.co/VbPgVkWhQY via @YouTube
We all need to remember this....#coaches and #sportingparents
There's a very very low chance your child will ever play NFL, NBA, Premier League Football, GAA All Ireland, NRL, AFL, Test Cricket, Grand Slam Tennis, the US Open Golf or win an Olympic Gold medal.
There's a small chance they'll be successful in sport up to State or National "age" type level.
There's a reasonable chance they'll do ok in local club competitions and school sport.
But - there's a 100% chance they'll always be your kids - and that you want them to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and to find people to love, and to do things that bring them joy, peace and engage their mind, body and spirit.
Play the odds! Make it fun. Forget the glory.
Winning is a bonus: just love them unconditionally and let the money and the medals fall where they may.
Imagine all the sports available for kids to participate in were displayed - like cereal boxes - on a sports-supermarket shelf and imagine that first time #sportingparents are walking along the aisle of that "supermarket" trying to decide what #sportsexperience to buy for their child.
How would your sport stand up in that situation?
Would the parents pick up your sport's "box", read the ingredients and think "WOW this is perfect for my child and ideal for our family commitments"?
Would the parents pick up your sport's "box" and think, "Are you kidding? 5 early mornings a week. Giving up several weekends a year. Paying for coaching, paying for equipment, paying for entries to events....NO THANKS!"
What does your sport look like to first time sporting parents?
This is important!!!
How your sport appears in the media, in the community, at schools....will determine who comes and tries what you've got to offer. If no one comes and tries your sport - then you've got NO CHANCE of building and growing a successful Club.
The name of the game is MORE PEOPLE - MORE OFTEN!
4. Why are you asking me this question? I always ask parents this because it challenges them to think about their own motivation and what they want and why they want it. Over 30 years I've realized the primary reason I get asked this question by #sportingparents is they want me to give them "evidence" to go back to their child's #coach and say "I spoke with this expert and he told me my child should be doing more (or less) training". I admit I am dumb - but I am not dumb enough to criticize #coaches and their philosophies when I don't know the athlete, the plan or the #coach.
Thanks to everyone for your contribution to "how many training sessions should my child be doing each week" question - which is - without doubt - the number 1 question I get asked by #sportingparents all around the world.
Here's my four answers that I give:
1. As many as the child enjoys. If they are not enjoying doing 2 sessions a week, then doing 3 will not help the situation. Our number one priority is to create an environment and provide the opportunity for kids to fall in love with our sport. If they've not enjoying what they're currently doing, then adding more training is not going to work.
Here's a word that #coaches, #sportingparents and athletes need to eliminate from their vocabulary...."Perfect".
#Perfectionism is not something to be proud of or aspire to in #juniorsport. If you're a neurosurgeon where you've got life and death in your hands and millimeters matter - sure - let's go for perfect.
But for a kid who just wants to kick a ball with her friends or a kid who just wants to enjoy the feeling of running fast or a kid who just wants to learn to hit a ball with a racket or a stick - perfectionism is a hideous and ridiculous concept.
As a psychiatrist friend of mine told me this week: "Perfectionism - and the pursuit of this mythical "perfect" performance is (in his words) a killer. I see too many kids who believe that what they do is never good enough - and in far too many cases - this turns into the most horrible words I know - I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH".
There is no practice makes perfect in junior sport.
There's "let have fun, let's learn, let's enjoy this experience with our friends, let's love moving and playing and getting better".
I've done #sportingparents / carers talks all over the world for the past 25 years.
What's the number 1 question I get asked?
"Wayne, how many #training sessions should my child be doing each week?"
I've learnt to be careful answering this question as often it's a "trap" - to use against their child's #coach.
So I answer this way:
There is no magic number - i.e. "all 10 year olds must do 4 session as week" or "all 15 year olds must do 8 sessions as week". There is no one size fits all rule for all #athletes in all sports.
1. As many as their goals determine - the higher the goal, the more training required.
2. As many as they can physically and mentally recover from. If their school work is failing, if they're constantly tired and sick, if they're performing poorly - then increasing training doesn't make sense.
3. As many as their coach has determined appropriate for their age, development stage and goals.
How do you answer the same question?
#SportingParents - how to help your child when they haven't been selected in a team or performed to their / your expectations.
1. Love them unconditionally.
2. Tell them the TRUTH - i.e. "Son / daughter / child, you gave it your best. Sometimes you don't get what you want and the important thing is to learn how to respond to disappointment - i.e. quickly, positively and constructively".
3. Say nothing - just let them know you're there for them whenever they need you.
How NOT to help them.....
1. Call the #coach, Club or school and complain to someone and try to force them to select your child. (Probably the worst thing to do).
2. Whine and complain that there's a conspiracy of people, parents of other kids etc. who hate you and want you to fail.
3. Tell your child the other kids must have cheated, that "it's not fair" etc.
(All the above I've heard many many times unfortunatley).
Sometimes - you have to look at them - with all the love, kindness and acceptance you have and say, "At this time, you're just not as good as some of the other kids. But learn from this and put all you've got into getting better".
SHOW THEM - MODEL THE BEHAVIOUR of learning how to deal with disappointment, frustration and losing and help them practice how to respond to life's setbacks with grit, resilience, positivity and courage.
Important message for #sportingparents.
#Winning and losing DOES NOT MATTER!
Do we want to see our kids win and be successful - of course we do!
But in terms of how much we love them, how we value them as people and how we accept them unconditionally for who they are, it doesn't matter if they score the winning goal or miss an easy chance right in front of goal - the way we feel about them never changes.
This is the most powerful sporting parents message I can share with you my friends: love, value and accept your children for WHO THEY ARE regardless of their sports performances.
https://t.co/agxl8QYfNu
#SportingParents - support your kid's #coach .
If you disagree with the coach, meet them privately away from the training environment and express your concerns - respectfully and honestly.
But for your child's benefit it is important you and your child's coach work together, have consistent messaging and put your child's wellbeing above all things.
https://t.co/7wZ5uQU26I
#SportingParents and carers...a really important message for you.
Avoid referring to your child as "my son the #footballplayer" or "my daughter the martial artist" or "my child the tennis player".
Over and over we see the danger of labelling kids - particularly talented, young kids - by what they do.
The problem comes when they can no longer do what they do!
If you've labelled your 9 year old as "the footballer" - and they can't play football any more - then WHO ARE THEY?
Tying their identity too closely to their sports performance is a recipe for disaster.
Try to avoid thinking of your sporting child in terms of WHAT they do: instead invest your love, your acceptance and your parenting / caring to help build and grow and support WHO they are.
#SportingParents - change your thinking when it comes to your child's #sporting participation.
Examples:
"Did my child win or lose today?" - change to "Did I show my child that I love them for who they are today irrespective of their sporting results?".
"Why isn't my child starting today?" change to "Does my child know that me being here and watching them play even for a few minutes is the greatest joy in my life?"
Think differently - think different things: it will make a world of difference to you and your child.
Confidence = Belief x Evidence.
A lot of #sportingparents contact me and ask me "how do I help my kids be more confident?".
So I developed this model: #Confidence = Belief x Evidence.
Where BELIEF - is how the athlete feels about themself - and they have learnt to love, value and accept themselves for WHO they are - not for what they ACHIEVE - (a practice ideally modelled by and nurtured by PARENTS / CARERS).
EVIDENCE is all the #training, preparation, competition experience, diet, mental skills training etc etc - that's the responsibility of #COACHES and ATHLETES.
Together - with parents / carers helping to model and grow unconditional love, value and acceptance - AND coaches and athletes filling the Confidence "can" with evidence, confidence can be developed.
Coaches: Educate the parents and carers of your athletes on their responsibility and their role in the development of confidence.
https://t.co/agxl8QYfNu
#Sportingparents......STOP packing your kids sports bags. STOP emptying their sports bags and washing their wet, dirty training gear. STOP cleaning their boots. STOP hanging up their wet towels. STOP packing their competition day bags, making their snacks and filling their water bottles. Just STOP!
I know why you do it - you love your kids - I get it - I've got four kids myself.
But - STOP doing stuff for them.
As #coaches we need them to be independent, self-responsible and to accept accountability for what they do and don't do.
That's what they really need from you - to help them to become INDEPENDENT.
https://t.co/i3gltnYoEY
The number 1 question I get from #sportingparents :
"How much #training should my child be doing?"
1. As many as they enjoy doing.
2. As many as they can physically and mentally recover from.
3. As many as their goals determine.
There is no "magic" number of training sessions for all kids in all sports.
https://t.co/agxl8QYfNu
Always a great question - what is the best way for #coaches to work effectively with #sportingparents.
Short answer - in partnership.
Invest time and energy into guiding, helping, educating and yes - #coaching - the parents / carers of the kids you coach.
When I get asked by the parents / carers of kids "how can I help my child realize their potential?"
My answer - "Just focus on being a good parent / carer".
Love them unconditionally.
Accept and value them for who they are - irrespective of their sports results.
Teach them independence.
Teach them to accept responsibility.
Teach them to be accountable for the things they do and don't do.
Teach them values like honesty, respect, kindness, selflnesses and self-discipline.
Then - if the child has talent and a love of what they do - they'll do ok.
https://t.co/agxl8QXHXW
Always a pleasure to work with #sportingparents at @ShiplakeCollege
Thank you so much for your feedback. π
We recently welcomed Eira Parry from @HPParenting to give talks to our #ShiplakeParents about how to support their children on their sporting journeys, regardless of their sports or abilities. For #FeedbackFriday here are just some of the comments received following the sessions!
Thank you @ShiplakeCollege for your warm welcome and wonderful hospitality. What a joy to spend time with epic #sportingparents exploring the rollercoaster of parenting a young athleteβ¦.and then get home in time to watch @rugbyworldcup and @BritishRowing at the World Champs .
A huge thank you to Eira Parry from @HPParenting for her two talks to #ShiplakeParents yesterday and this morning, providing a brilliant toolkit to parents for supporting their childrenβs sporting journeys, regardless of their abilities or chosen sports.
Kids will strive to BE - what they can SEE. #Sportingparents - and #coaches - Be the person - be the role model - be the inspiration - be the shining light - be the fire - that every day shows your children and your athletes the person that you'd like them to be.
Physical #talent is over-rated! #Sportingparents need to get their heads around the concept that precocious early talent - e.g. the "champion" 8 year old, is more of a curse than a blessing as we see over and over and over again - around the world - and in all sports - "early rise = early fall". Love your kids for WHO they are not for what they do. Love them unconditionally irrespective of whether they win or lose. And for those very rare kids with real talent - of course - support them, nurture them, give them the opportunity to be all they choose to be but for the 7 year old "super-stars" - let them have fun, make friends, learn some skills and go to bed at night knowing with absolute certainty that they are loved, accepted and valued for who they are.
The three most important tips for #Sportingparents - the parents / carers of kids who participate in #sport.
Bottom line - the key to being a great sporting parent is - to be a loving parent!
https://t.co/PJ2yvoUzko
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