Top Tweets for #hailmaputu
Busy today, my peoples
10am public flogging
12pm lunch with the Burmese ambassador
2pm sleep of the lunch
4pm hareem session
6pm draft appeal for international aid
8pm flight to visit yacht showroom in Naples
#HailMaputu
Weekend is here
Only joking. To increase productivity Saturday and been renamed "Second Thurday"
Get back to bastard work...
#HailMaputu
Citizens rejoice!
I today open new bastard big interstate bridge.
Only 4 years behind schedule and $2.1b over budget
#Progress #HailMaputu
Today I will hold a Cabinet meeting to discuss our latest request for foreign aid to help our impoverished nation #HailMaputu
Thank you people's of Britain
I has bought myself a yacht on top of an aircraft carrier
Keep the monies coming...fuel is bastard expensive
#HailMaputu
CITIZEN WARNING
A fire haired demon has been spotted near the capital!
Remain in your homes. Troops and witch hunters are en route
#StaySafe #HailMaputu
Don't mean to alarm anybody but there's shipment of grenades about to drive down a seriously bumpy road in the capital.
Don't worry. I'm fucking miles away.
#HailMaputu
Good morning my peoples
Today's public hangings have been moved to 2pm to allow yesterday's mass arrests to be included
#HailMaputu
I'm you going to recognise Catalan independence
...unless EU pay me big bastard aid monies not too
#HailMaputu #DiplomaticCoup
Uniform fitting today
If my tailor doesn't lie and tell me I'm still a 36R he'll be carrying his tongue home in a jar
#HailMaputu
Running out of money again
If I invited 23 new genders today do you think somebody in the West would buy them off me?
#HailMaputu
Put too much chlorine in the pool now every concubine in the harem is a blonde...
FML
#HailMaputu
Enjoy your election
Your masters will still be sending me your taxes to buy more gold plated harem hot tubs
#HailMaputu #GeneralElection
What the fuck is a "Bank Holiday"?
I mean, the Central Bank funds all my holidays
#HailMaputu
Put your dildo in fridge, ladies
You'll thank me later when it's too warm to sleep
#HailMaputu
Can't remember where I parked the yacht again
Lucky you mugs are here to buy me another isn't it?
#HailMaputu
Sunday Schedule
-Harem session
-Wild boar breakfast
-Public hanging
-Lunch
-Harem session
-Meet Swiss bankers
-Uniform fitting
#HailMaputu
Thinking of applying for #Eurovision next year
I'm bastard good at Tom Jones on the karaoke when I've had a few gins
#HailMaputu
There are prisoners in my torture chambers right now that have genuinely stopped to laugh at this.
#HailMaputu #LE2017
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