Top Tweets for #riveroaksproblems
Explaining to the kid there is no Four Seasons in “Turks and Quesos” but secretly wishing there was an island called Quesos.
#RiverOaksProblems
And for the record, the issue re: Istanbul and Constantinople remains nobodies business but the Turks.
#riveroaksproblems
IYKYK
So many old dads with twins out and about shopping for Mother’s Day, no surprise all the VCs love IVF clinics.
#riveroaksproblems
When you’re emptying out someone else’s house with movers, standing in an Adidas track suit, listening to Rolling Stones, on a chilly Houston morning and you realize Wes Anderson has brain fucked you for life.
#riveroaksproblems
There’s no Gorgonzola and that’s what happens when people in DFW bring the cheese board. It’s almost deliberate.
#riveroaksproblems #struggleisreal
MIL: “They were high school sweethearts, got married, had a kid and years later turns out he was an abusive alcoholic. How could anyone know?”
Me: “Well...he fucking named the kid Woodford. Why not just call him Wild Turkey?”
#ChristmasDinner #RiverOaksProblems
@NoahMF That is a daily feeling when you arrive home, your kids are all under 5 and are short staffed due to ‘Rona.
#riveroaksproblems
Well, it’s not a family holiday until you’re on a private jet fielding “hypotheticals” about various white collar crimes.
#riveroaksproblems
Someone showed me a pic of a Chanel AirPod case, thought it would be a nice surprise for the Mrs.
My research indicates they are fake (?) and Etsy is just a flea market for phonies and hipster doofuses.
Burberry, however, does make a nice AirPod case.
#riveroaksproblems
Is there a more bullshit, passive aggressive phrase than “must be nice”?
Yea, I have a full size fridge just for beer with a dedicated cheese drawer.
It’s fucking glorious.
#struggleisreal #riveroaksproblems
1. Arts (Movies, Music, Literature)
2. Food & Wine
3. Travel
4. Start taking a temperature on the whole prenup thing early if you’ve made it to dessert
#riveroaksproblems
First Date Conversation: 4 Things Research Says You Should Talk About https://t.co/Fvp13cafg8
Do we know what happened to the other 2999 Andrés?
Has that joke been made before?
What a long fucking day.
#riveroaksproblems
If “Somali pirate” isn’t a registered level of sassy, it should be because my 4 year old has it mastered.
#riveroaksproblems
Sloan Hall is Marshall’s for rich girls.
#riveroaksproblems
Every once in a while I drive down Kirby and remember the place where rich old bastards stinking of cigars used to pick up bored young ladies drunk off of everclear margaritas is now a spin cult gym and overrated health food cafe. Things change.
#riveroaksproblems
The four year old was drawing chalk outlines of her stuffed animals today.
The staff fear they are next.
I don’t blame them.
#riveroaksproblems
This curbside retail business is the best thing to happen to the sugar baby dynamic since Amazon wish lists.
#riveroaksproblems #struggleisreal
Instead of hiding a $50 in an egg and watching the help fight for it this year hunger games style, we’re just going embrace what Easter is really all about. Overcoming death and functional alcoholism.
#riveroaksproblems
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