Top Tweets for #workconvos
“I’ve twiddled with your flaps, is that feeling any better?”
#WorkConvos 😳
“But, flaps aside, we could try this ….”
Tea? ☕️
Boss: You're not helping
Me: I never had any intention of being helpful today
B: I swear I'm gonna fire you one day.
Me: You had the employee manual changed so you could rehire me & I could keep my pink hair. You're not going to fire me
B: I forgot you make me crazy
#workconvos
Attorney: You always know what to do. I'm so glad to work with you.
Me: I have no idea what I'm doing. Most of the time I'm just doing the most logical thing with unfounded confidence.
Attorney: Please don't get me fired.
Me: No promises! Happy Wednesday!
#workconvos
Me: People see my colorful hair and hear I was a daycare teacher and they think I’m sweet like Miss Honey. Then they get to know me and realize I’m as mean as Ms. Trunchbull.
New Attorney: *spits water*
Office Mgr: Stop scaring the new kid or I’m telling on you.
#workconvos
Boss: What's wrong?
Me: I'm too old to do things 4 days in a row. I'm tired.
Boss: You're young, you'll bounce back quick!
Me: You're a year older than me and have to resist the urge to yell "Get off my lawn!!" when someone walks into your office. Let me have this.
#workconvos
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Me: if I ever got in a fight I would be so sad and hurt
Stephanie: if you got in a fight over your son your momma instincts would kick in and you would do what you have to do
Lauren: …. I don’t got no kids but ima just tell you being in a fight feels AMAZING! #workconvos
I know we're in 2021. And I know it "shouldn't matter"... but if you learned of your other halfs "body count"... what number is too high?
#workconvos
one of my fav murders on my caseload told me today “7 years ago, i woulda stabbed his ass but i have learned to suppress my psychopathic thoughts” and under my mask i was like 🥴🥴🥴 #workconvos #realbeef
Me: they just want me to pick cotton again
Romessa: they just want to drop bombs and drone me
#workconvos
Breakfast for dinner is better than breakfast for breakfast. #workconvos
“I drink. And I cry alone. Then I use my tears as lubricant to masturbate” 😂😂😂😂 #workconvos
What I wanted to say, "I'm from the D...and I stay ready!" What I said, "I'm a person that's always prepared!" #WorkConvos
Coworker 1: “Who’s the werewolf guy in Harry Potter?”
Coworker 2: “lupus.”
Me: DEAD 💀💀💀💀 #HappyPotter #WorkConvos #PrecisionMedicineResearchTeam #AtItsFinest
Tim: “You are not getting near my cookies.”
Chance:”It’s just one.”
Tim:”Not happening.”
Me:”Listen here Blossom, Bubbles is about to kick your damn ass if you come near his cookies.”
Chance:”Mind ya business, Buttercup.”
#WorkConvos
Co-Worker: “I’m heading to the eye doctor. I’ll be back.”
Her Boss: “Do you need someone to drive you?”
CW: “No?”
HB: “I wasn’t volunteering myself. I was volunteering someone else.” #workconvos
Do squirrels ever try to cross the road when there aren’t cars coming? #workconvos
“I live in Monmouth”
“Monmouth county?”
“Manalapan county!”
“No... we’re in Manalapan... right now... Manalapan is a town”
“Oh... OH Monmouth County!”
#workconvos #help
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