Top Tweets for #xplodingunicorn
π Hard relate to this 5 year old
#funny #parenting #children #kids #parents #jamesbreakwell #xplodingunicorn
Christmas Eve dinner: octopus dogs and Kraft mac n cheese. #ChristmasEve #bestmomever
#XplodingUnicorn
My son fell asleep under Grandmaβs table and pulled an #xplodingunicorn. Sometimes you take the nap...sometimes the nap takes YOU! π @XplodingUnicorn
#xplodingunicorn my fav kids π» https://t.co/JzFguVQfpT
Zombie Apocalypse Parenting Tip Number 4:
Loot plenty of toothpaste.
The biggest threat after zombies will be gingivitis.
#XplodingUnicorn Author Talks Parenting Through a Zombie Apocalypse https://t.co/4bn5y3FxYY #books #humor
So @XplodingUnicorn goes viral as the #xplodingunicorn & captures 1 mill followers w/ classic⦠https://t.co/FnhKjHfe8W
Me: Take a bath.
5-year-old: Can't. I'm a fairy.
Me: Be a fairy in the tub.
5: I'M NOT A MERMAID!
Wife: They say 51% of all jobs can be replaced by automation.
Me: They'll never replace... by #XplodingUnicorn
Me: What did you learn at school?
6-year-old: I traded my apple for a cookie.
Me: I... by #XplodingUnicorn
1-year-old: *angry, ear-piercing shriek*
Me: Fine. *gives her what she... by #XplodingUnicorn
Watching "Titanic" for the first time
Pretty good so far
Not sure where it's heading... by #XplodingUnicorn
This is what I wish I knew before I had kids.
https://t.co/xpO8oZmY2M by #XplodingUnicorn via @c0nvey
Do I ever actually tweet anymore or is my account just retweets hm :-/ #ifeellike #marnie #xplodingunicorn
@jeanneschriks Misschien zijn deze wat voor jou;
#XplodingUnicorn #Dadpression #TheTweetOfGod #JOR_ID #Vrouwen_Humor
(vooral die laatste..!)
Saving this for next week, first parent-teacher conference and she's only 6months old.
#XplodingUnicorn #ParentTeacherConference #Preschool https://t.co/jMh5fSb6UZ
[preschool parent-teacher conference]
Teacher: Is there anything you want your child to learn?
Me: The Vulcan nerve pinch
Her:
Me: Math.
Inspirational tweet:
Today is a new day
But you're still the same you
You'll screw it up like yesterday
And like you will again tomorrow
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