Jackson H

Jesus follower, nerd, music lover, bouldering, 100% "if" ~ Mathematics, UNO '23

just kind of aiming for observation and hoping I hit comedy along the way

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

my life is a brute force proof of the statement "given two distinct topics x and y, there exists at least one pun p which is related to both x and y"

[StengGang @StengGang]

THE MAN. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND HAS FINISHED. 102.2 MILES CRUSHED. FINAL TIME = 32:36:15. 🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

I know me tweeting now is just slightly less effective than shouting into a void, but... I make music now. that's it, that's the tweet
https://t.co/wr3vFhAKac

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

we just realized you can also go 11-5-1 and win out to end 15-5-1 which is technically a palindrome but way less cool

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

@jon_bois my friend and I were discussing what it would take for an NFL team to win the super bowl and end with a palindromic record, and we determined the only way it can happen is for a team to go 5-3-9, enter the playoffs as a wild card, then win out to go 9-3-9. any thoughts?

[peatboggery @ms_peatbog]

when you apply a bandaid

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

being a kid and wanting there to be room at the adults table for you is the real-life version of singing "oh I just can't wait to be king"

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

urns are so weird. if you're talking about urns, either your great grandma died or you're doing a stats problem. there is no in between

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

how come books don't get trailers like for movies?? I wanna read a line and be like "ooh I remember seeing that one in the trailer"

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

me: sooo, should we make a group chat or what

everyone else on the jury:

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

idk what the fuss about microchips is. I eat regular-sized chips on a daily basis

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

wow, ok, unfollowing now. I really liked his homecoming pep rally t-rex stunt in high school, but didn't realize he was only ever gonna tweet puns after that

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

I forgot a classmate's names this morning and thought I could be smooth about it by asking him how he spelled it... his name was AJ

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

wearing headphones over wireless earbuds that have noise cancellation is the acoustic version of trying to push two magnets together the wrong way

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

first-week introductions are getting real old... "so what major are you??" i'm a major idiot for not taking this class online, thank you

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

what vaccine do I have to get so I don't have to do two-factor authentication anymore

[grovy @grovymango]

math majors are so funny to me. like . u felt the rush of solving one hard math problem One Time and never stopped chasing that high ever since

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

@PHTZander remember this line?

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

[Shark Tank]

me: ...and that's why I developed this - a machine that can instantly turn any human into a wind turbine. what do you guys think?

mark cuban: I don't know, I'm not a big fan

*ZAP*

mark cuban: haha just kidding, I'm a HUGE fan now

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

yes, this tweet is supposed to say "March 2020". no, I do not care enough to delete this tweet and fix it. thank you for asking, imaginary Twitter follower I developed in my head

[Jackson H @hazeljorts]

hard to believe that last year at this time it was March 2021