Henry Block

Lost at sea | Features @theonion, contributor @reductress

[Henry Block @hblock99]

@leeeeeeyummm Yup.

[Henry Block @hblock99]

If I’m elected president I will make it so that we ALL retain memories from infancy!!

[Netflix @netflix]

Meryl Streep will star as 'Enid' in a limited series adaptation of Jonathan Franzen's THE CORRECTIONS. From director and executive producer Cord Jefferson.

[Henry Block @hblock99]

My wife, she’s what they call a bisexual. Every time I come home and see who’s in bed with her it’s like a gender reveal party. It’s a boy! It’s a girl! It’s twins. I tell ya…I get no respect. I may as well be a bisexual too seeing as I said bye to getting sexual a long time ago

[Henry Block @hblock99]

Sorry I can’t, I’m watching my figure. Watching it get bigger!!!!! Pass the pizza! 🤩😋👍

[Henry Block @hblock99]

A babe in arms….. uhhhh I’d rather see a babe in a bikini!

[Henry Block @hblock99]

When people bring their phone with them into the bathroom. Are you looking at the WikiHow for how to pee

[Henry Block @hblock99]

Hanging out with friends and talking is like real life instagram reels. and every story that someone tells is a different instagram reel

[Henry Block @hblock99]

When I get hungry dinner is lowkey a hack

[Henry Block @hblock99]

Orthorexic Jews

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Area Man Knows When He Not Welcome In Children’s Museum https://t.co/8VrvToGi93

[Henry Block @hblock99]

If my hubby asks me for an open marriage, he’s getting a closed casket!

[Henry Block @hblock99]

Nervous to bring my Na’vi girlfriend home to my parents but I’ll know they’ll be accepting.

[Henry Block @hblock99]

Marriage tip from my inspiring grandparents who have been together for 75 years! Just say this one simple phrase every day:

“If you leave me, I will kill myself” 💕

[Henry Block @hblock99]

Release Epstein's Bones!!!!!!!!! #ReleaseTheBones

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Community Does Jack Shit To Make Christmas Better For Town’s Second-Poorest Family https://t.co/X5QjVxqEA6

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Report: Electric Guitar Means This Likely Not Your Mother’s ‘Jingle Bells’ https://t.co/cVmKDMET4c

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Rubio Orders State Department Braille Signage Switch To ‘Times New Roman’

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Pete Hegseth Wakes Up At 3 P.M. With Dozen Missed Calls From The Hague https://t.co/XHIX3NBAxD

[The Onion @TheOnion]

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else https://t.co/SsIU3Fi0dc