"are you okay?! we got in an accident!" "yeah i'm o-" "NOT YOU, MY WIFE!" the toyota drove itself back to the dealership, v depressed

doctor, i think i'm down

i am immune to peripheral anonymous annotation. translate: subtweet me all u want cos w/e

the zombie apocalypse: the story of a man with a defibrillator and a dream

maybe for once johnson could participate in research and we'd have a breakthrough. an emotional breakthrough. i love that man so damn much

"johnson i've done it! i've successfully cloned this sheep!" johnson doesn't care. he never did.

yet we aren't allowed to do it

it fucking blows my mind that we can clone shit

"you" and "gay" both have "u" in them. coincidence? prolly

who uses amps

every once in a good while i like to go lose my tan and stand in store windows modeling their clothes for 72 hours at a time

what if they made deodorant to collect weird odors for stink bombs

i'm stuck in this uniform. it's my skin

i'm so shy and awkward i put rooms in negative decibels

a grudge is a flower who's thorns continue to grow as you refuse to water it apologies are the doses of water making thorns grow faster.