Heather Powell

not trying to be funny. not trying to get a laugh. don’t want anyone to have the worst day at their job.

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@ChelBelle_23 I remember you bullet journaling.

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@teejslipko Happy for you 🥰

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@TOIMumbai @KarenKilgariff sinkhole alert

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

every relationship starts out “oh babe I never want you to hold in a fart around me 💕” and 8 months later it turns to “I’m just saying you really should see a doctor about that”

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@the5thof4 Made me google it 💕

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

I reached an interesting intersection of aging and quarantine, wherein I made my own hot sauce, ate too much of it, and developed a stomach ulcer.

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@clairemasters Ok so you said wrong answers only but I had this. It’s a Bluetooth button that can connect to your phone or whatever. It’ll be under “homewerks” :)

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

rolled over my dog’s tail with a rolly chair and a bunch of his fur was ripped out and he didn’t even cry because he is an angel. how will I ever fully punish myself for this transgression?

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

the dark side of cottagecore living is sitting up with an extra glass of wine, waiting for your pets to kill the mole running around the bathroom so that you can fall asleep.

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@ChelBelle_23 Oops half a beer and dark twitter heather comes out 👻

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

are you ever just casually living your life and then suddenly your brain is like "hey what if we listen to voicemails from your dead dad"?

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@clairemasters Ope got defensive okay you and your tweets are 100/100 in my book once more.

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@clairemasters Claire, have you ever had a crab? Cold? Cracked over the kitchen sink?

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@clairemasters the first stupid thing you’ve ever tweeted... congrats

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

do you ever put off doing something for a long time because you just don't want to and then you finally do it and you're like "i was right this sucks"

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

after years of mentally mocking reviewers, i have become the person who bought a 5-piece flatware setting thinking it was for 5 placesettings.

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@clairemasters u good ?

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@nkotak1 lol love these

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@A_L_Waddington @KarenKilgariff you as a babysitter?

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

@ChelBelle_23 @lizzo no. it certainly feels real. i am still cringing.

[Heather Powell @heathuhhpowell]

Had a dream last night I saw @lizzo in concert and was so overwhelmed all I could do was give her a thumbs up. She thumbs upped me back and winked, and then I cried bc I was so dorky.