Heaux Thots

hard to spell, harder to please

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

Scarcity mindset whilst having choice paralysis is #datingin2020

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

The Bachelor finale chewed up and spit out my soul. Damn.

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

Me

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

No matter how much frosting you put on cardboard it still doesn’t make it a cake. #heauxanalgies

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

I am an irresponsible victim.

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

To update my followers: we are currently losing another bracket potential. Bucking Branko is losing traction. Tweet me suggestions to rectify this situation. Lmao

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

The better the dick the crazier the person. #100%

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

My future husband better be ready to dress up as Santa and Mrs Claus as we stuff our kids stockings and each other. #roleplayisthenewforeplay

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

My masseuse made me massage my own boob today because they can’t go that low without additional paperwork. #illinvoiceyou

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

I mean sex is great but have you ever listened to Boyfriend ASMR on a cold winter night? #yameneither

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

We’ve lost another bracket hopeful. Good bye Dr. Dick. #fuckinseeya

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

“You know like the post vacation blues but they never go away?” Yeah hun, that’s depression.

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

You don’t get to be ugly AND cheat on your girlfriend. #sashayaway

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

Crying into my lean cuisine.

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

#heauxlesome : when you trying to be wholesome but your true heaux self breaks free.

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

Please welcome to the bracket, DR DICK from the blessed lands of Winnipeg, Manitoba. #heywhatsuphello

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

Motto for 2020 is *drumroll please* NO MICRO DICKS! #saltnpeppa

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

I will never understand people who sip on tequila. Tequila is like eating ass. You get in and you get out. #himom

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

Other bracket hopefuls include: Cute&Nerdy Jake, Bucking Branko from Sunday School and Long Limbed Liam.

[Heaux Thots @heaux_vice]

One of my bracket hopefuls has been eliminated. He took a girl to a petting zoo. No one picks petting emus over petting...me. #ripTrevor