heffro

You were wasting time on the internet and now you're reading my bio.

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

@CashvilleNole Hey buddy looks delish! I’m smoking my first brisket this weekend. Any tips?

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

@CashvilleNole Please that is an insult to turds everywhere.

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

@CashvilleNole Nice. Well now I know what I’ll be getting you guys for Xmas!
(**warning it will probably be regifted)

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

Does anyone really buy champagne or are we all just regifting the same bottle?

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

@billburr Hey freckles,
As a fan of Brody and the Dead, your comment about the song Ripple and Brody rings true and hits home. #RIPBrody Ripple in still water,
when there is no pebble tossed...

[The Cultured Ruffian @CulturedRuffian]

I am man, hear me ignore.

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

@jazz3162 @BreedersCup @TheNYRA @NTRA @ABRLive @HR_Nation @TVG @DRFPrivman @santaanitapark @NBCSN Take it easy Ahmed he was just horsing around.

[Blake @dksc4life]

Upon my birth, I was given a choice: either have a big penis or a great memory.

And let me tell you, I remember that day like it was yesterday.

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

I’m at my most Viking while on the rowing machine at the gym.

[Rick Aaron @RickAaron]

I’m not into comic books but every day I Marvel over what’s happening in DC.

[John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets]

Instead of asking for a happy ending I accidentally asked the masseuse for a twist ending and I’ve never experienced such pain in my life.

[John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets]

Sometimes I think I’m reasonably intelligent, and sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness.

[RB Anthony 📯 @RB_Anthony]

Meal prepping is basically eating a week's worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

Me: Can the internet be more narcissistic?

Internet: #NationalHeadshotDay

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

Taking a hiatus from social media is like escaping from an insane asylum.

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

There are parody accounts with millions of followers. You guys know that’s not actually them right? Just checking...

[Twin Dad @TwinSurvivalist]

I woke up with a Smash Mouth song stuck in my head, so I don't want to hear about your relatively insignificant problems.

[P.S. I Rudd You @PS_IRuddYou]

This girl text me: "your adorable

I text back: no YOU'RE adorable

Now she likes me and I was just pointing out her typo...

[Benny 'New Day✨️' Rollins @citizenkawala]

To the rest of the world Miley Cyrus is known as Kilometery Cyrus.

[heffro @heffroatlarge]

Don't forget to ruin a conversation by making it political.