Dirt Bag Mike

Master of unlocking, Pokèmon poacher, Humane Prick, Avid jay walker, sedentary nomad, former escaped convict. Hunter Biden’s crack dealer

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

As I hang out with more predominantly Spanish speaking people at work, I understand the urge to buy Jordan six rings.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

The hamster in my head ain’t reading all that.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

The Arizona cardinals

[Steven “Stevo” Dingle @stevozone4_]

Who plays there when the World Cup isn’t going on?

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

Me still sending out my résumé after already accepting an offer.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

The high protein version of the mos def in that Alicia keys music video.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

Couldn’t be bothered to try to sell that bum his stiller soda.

[Ryan Field @RyanFieldABC]

Ben Stiller arrived more than 4 hours before tip off once again.

#AlwaysKnicks

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

Why are dogs fatasses?

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

One will get a scholarship to a community college and the other one will be training in mma soon.

[Happy Punch @HappyPunch]

High school wrestler KO’d his opponent after a disrespectful celebration 😳

Valid crashout?

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

It isn’t until you walk past a mirror next to someone who doesn’t work out when you realize them dudes saying “you big as fuck” weren’t bluffing.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

McDonald’s wants me to believe their breakfast chicken sandwich has 25g of proteins? When their juiced up chicken sandwiches they discounted awhile ago didn’t even have that much.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

The boyfriend getting his bluff called cause he doesn’t want to pay off someone else’s debt.

[Yonan @yonann]

Dave Ramsey tells a nurse to dump her boyfriend after he refuses to propose until she pays off $90K in debt

Caller: "I’m a 26 year old nurse with $90K in student loans. My boyfriend makes $250K a year, but he won’t propose until I’m completely debt free"

Dave: "Dump him. He’s making you prove your worth based on money. You’re having to buy your way into this relationship"

"The No. 1 cause of divorce in North America today is money fights and money problems and guess what this is? This is a money fight"

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

If you have to ask if something is a recession indicator, you’re already behind.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

Me to the employer that asked me to do a urine test, “can I come in before the urine tests results come back? Cause the only thing that’s gonna test positive is having that dog in me.”

[Boston Globe Pitchbot @BostonSatire]

Report: Vrabel says he will take time away from the NFL to focus on fucking

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

“Terry Bollea doesn’t have a ten inch python, brother. That’s hulk hogan.”- Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea.

[FADE @FadeAwayMedia]

Triple H reveals he was the one who had to make the call to fire Hulk Hogan following the 2015 racial slur controversy and temporarily erase him from WWE.

“I didn’t fire Hulk Hogan, I fired Terry Bollea.”

(The Real American Hulk Hogan) https://t.co/a6qTsfVD7y

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

I don’t know what’s worse the bums asking for a dollar or the randoms that come up to you asking if they can get a cigarette. Get a hobby you can afford like breathing.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

Having the last response in a job interview email.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

Balling out for the lord is a whole different level of performance enhancing drugs.

[Bleacher Report @BleacherReport]

Kon Knueppel’s dad, Kon Knueppel Sr., was BALLIN at the Holy Cross Men's Open Tournament 🔥

(via @KyleMalzhan, WFRV-TV)

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

I’m not one to knock someone’s hustle, but these damn bums are getting on my nerves.

[Dirt Bag Mike @HeirMike]

When you give someone a deal and they push their luck by asking for something else that isn’t included in the deal.