Shay ✨🍩 🚲

Recovered from ed(oct ‘24), amateur hybrid athlete (lifting, cycling, variety)
21 ~ he/him ~ bpd audhd’er + pcos ~ DNI under 16

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Hiiii, im shay, welcome to my recovery page. I love interacting with other recovery accounts, you’re welcome to talk to me anytime🧡
It may be hard sometimes but we’ll keep fighting!

Recovery since october 2024

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

It feels weird how many times i’ve od’ed but ended up fine because i got treatment on time. I’ve even od’ed on stuff that doesnt have an antidote and you just drink the charcoal and hope you’ll be okay. A single od might end your life even if you regret it or didnt think it would

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

My brothers bf broke up with him and later od’ed and now he has liver damage…. He’s still in hospital. I’m not fully sure how he’s doing but it seems pretty serious and theres still the chance that he’ll end up in a coma/liver failure.

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Im so exhausted i had to cancel on my brother who was going to pick me up for a milkshake :( i feel bad about it but if im so tired i dont feel like getting a milkshake? Then im reaaaally tired

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Just sitting at my front door talking to my mom and someone walks by with a flat tire and asks for a pump and we just stand there chatting with a total stranger😅 theres always something happening when youre chilling at your front door in the middle of the city

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

@autumncinephile I’ve been wanting a kindle for so long😭 maybe someday, tho i think i’d get a kobo instead

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

I planned to turn half my future bedroom into a craft room but the urge to have a full ass reading corner is so big… i dont think i can combine them both😭 i just want a big comfy chair but idk where it will fit

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

My apartment wont be done until september and im really disappointed about it. I had hoped i would’ve been fully moved by now

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

I mean obviously i feel bad for his ex too, he was a nice guy but i’ve heard a bit more about his behaviour and thats just not okay… he needs a lot of professional help

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

My brothers boyfriend broke up with him, talking shit and being mean, then went manipulative af and od’ed… at first i had a lot of sympathy for both of them but now i just feel bad for my brother because he’s been caretaking a severely, worsening mentally ill adult for years

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

If only i had tattoo money

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Didnt know where my menstrual cup and couldnt be bothered to find it since sometimes it doesnt really fit correctly with cervix height and all that, just found it and realised how nice it is

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Okay so, my mom and my stepdad are split up, my dad almost had a relationship which crashed and burned, my sister got divorced a few months ago, my brother just got broken up with, and my younger brother broke up but they wanna try again. Wtf is this mess😭 me and 1 bro single af

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

@atlasornothing Ay i wasnt that far off

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

I make my own pumpkin spice syrup during fall and sometimes i make mint syrup in the summer, but i only made caramel syrup for the first time two days ago. Idk why i ever bought it😭 the proces of making caramel kinda scared me but its pretty easy

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Im drinking mostly isotonic or hypertonic drinks because im genuinely concerned i will end up in heat exhaustion or a heat stroke if i dont. Im drinking so much and if i spend an hour not drinking some i get a headache and just feel generally weak. My meds really make this worse

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

@Sulphur6923 Its hard since i try everything in my power not to hurt others, and end up hurting myself more. I’ve been in relationships where they were so afraid of being hurt again, i felt guilty and was blamed for hurting them when figuring out it was unhealthy and had to end it.

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Therapy has been heavy since i tried to be more present. She said that hurting people is just part of life and relationships, and that a relationship where you never hurt eachother isnt a good one either. Im really struggling to accept that, it just seems to go against everything

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Almost makes me worry if i should’ve even talked about it in the depth i did. I mean, i struggle with the images, but she did mention its hard for her too because she also gets images in her head about it or something? Idk i kinda shrugged that off too

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

Pretty sure my therapist is fighting tears in almost half our sessions… i thought maybe she has hay fever or her eyes were just irritated and i just shrugged it off because im there for me. Tbf usually im crying too, and i talked about my worst attempt so it makes sense

[Shay ✨🍩 🚲 @hell_or_flying]

She does understand because in my childhood i basically got rewarded for never hurting anyone, never doing anything wrong, never standing up for myself or talking about bad feelings. Im scared that if i talk about feeling bad bc of someone, they will feel bad bc of me. It hurts.