jess

[jess @hellogirls]

Me on Twitter vs me on Threads.

[jess @hellogirls]

Can vampires get fat from too much blood?

[jess @hellogirls]

It’s so obvious when the wig budget is the first to get cut on a Hollywood production.

[jess @hellogirls]

Heaven is reuniting with everything you’ve ever lost. People and like every sock.

[jess @hellogirls]

Don’t be coming over to my house and letting me offer you a can of Waterloo seltzer and leaving it half full for me to find when you leave.

[jess @hellogirls]

Benny Safdie parodying JD Vance would be enjoyable to see.

[jess @hellogirls]

My dog’s Halloween costume is dog with pubes (bush)

[jess @hellogirls]

I’m happy for Creed (the band.)

[jess @hellogirls]

Would you smoke a cologne flavored cigarette?

[jess @hellogirls]

I’m in an Uber black. I always choose no preference for quiet mode but I kinda wish their was loud mode. Like Friday night mode.

[jess @hellogirls]

They should have done just one episode of Tony shopping for shirts. I would have liked to see that.

[jess @hellogirls]

Meanest donation to give to someone living on the streets is salad dressing.

[jess @hellogirls]

I hope Peloton knows I’m riding my bike straight into the sea if Cody leaves.

[jess @hellogirls]

Spotted in LA: Former Mayor of Chicago, Lori Lightfoot’s Chevy @CarmChristopher

[jess @hellogirls]

The sure don’t make ‘em like they used to.

[jess @hellogirls]

All I wanna do is bring liquids on the plane.

[jess @hellogirls]

Hearing your neighbor make beats all day would be hell.

[jess @hellogirls]

Ritz Carlton, I’ve got a marketing pitch for you. As a Valentine’s Day strategy, change you name to the Rizzt Carlton. It might sound tacky, but trust me.

[jess @hellogirls]

It’s impossible to see a group of guys playing volleyball and NOT have Kenny Loggins play in your head.

[jess @hellogirls]

If I were to become a famous celeb, I’d get even worse teeth than I have now.

[jess @hellogirls]

Girls just want to be treated like one of your precious heirlooms.