BP

one foot on a banana peel, the other in the grave

[BP @helloobrandii]

Faith is trust without proof. Faith without works is dead.

[۟ @ragingxngxl]

I’m not playing hard to get, I’m legit abusing substances.

[Minatoメ @minatokusi_]

one of my biggest problem is the fact that i always have something to buy

[Lord ✞ @LordofMafia_]

Ngl if we dating only one of us can be on twitter and its gone be me

[fern 🕷️🕸️ @nijiimura]

Realized I talked too much shit at work yesterday and now I'm paranoid it's all gonna come back to me today

[n @jesusmokedganj]

I’m a dead beat cousin I hate family reunions

[Noah @FunnyHulkButt]

When I wanna rip bong but my 75 year old neighbor is outside too

[kd @kdlovrr]

do you remember when we were all at school and we were all silly

[shea @lifeisavibeway]

The concept of my car getting towed is scarier than the sun blowing up

[‎ياسمين @chebakiiia]

If you're quiet as an adult they kill you

[ѕєиɪ @zalatwicc]

i said it's my favorite movie i didn't say it was good

[Lily @eroticloa]

Doing drugs as a smart person because I can afford to lose the braincells

[🖕🙂🖕 @c4nnsaw]

I always thought the pink panther solved mysteries or some shit but he's just this gay dude who bothers people

[_s.a.m.e.m.e.m.e_ @st_louis_stan]

The worst cultural trend of the last 15 years was how comfortable women got talking about bodily functions, women standing up saying they "have to pee," bringing up their "IBS" (not real) in casual conversation, joking about how taco bell made them "shit their brains out," etc

[every day i wake up @naughzyeighted]

“do you have a boyfriend?” i have a bomb strapped to my chest actually

[maia ☆🇵🇸 @maiadidntwakeup]

Life lately

[. @mithkii]

When the beautiful summer evening randomly makes you feel like the loneliest person on earth

[weenie hut jr’s @suction4IDs]

🤔

[fenlon @fen_lon]

calling out of work is so awesome except for the guilt that youre letting everyone down and the feeling that youre a useless fuckup

[☔ @Whotfismick]

I like using twitter because none of my friends use it