me.

Nomad. Living in love and light. 🌻 1 John 4:18 ✨ My tweets are for me 🙂 I don’t argue with strangers on the internet.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

I am a member of the Norwegian Nobel Committee.

There are five of us. Five people, appointed by a parliament most of the planet could not find on a map, who decide, once a year, which human being the world has agreed to call good.

I know. I know. I think about it on the tram.

We meet in a building on Henrik Ibsens gate, a street named after a man who wrote almost exclusively about people discovering they are frauds, which nobody on the committee finds funny except me. There is a room with a long table and the portraits of the dead laureates looking down, Mandela, the Dalai Lama, a great many earnest men in spectacles, and one portrait we do not discuss, which is Kissinger, 1973, awarded while the bombs were still falling, after which two of our predecessors resigned and the satirist Tom Lehrer said political satire was now obsolete. We keep him on the wall. A reminder. Every family has the uncle.

It is October in Oslo, which means the sun gives up around four in the afternoon like a civil servant, and it rains the particular Norwegian rain that isn’t quite falling, just hanging there, judging you. I arrive with wet shoes. I always arrive with wet shoes. There is coffee, because this is Norway and there is always coffee, we drink more of it per person than almost anyone alive, and someone’s wife has sent kanelboller, the cinnamon buns, and we sit, five Norwegians, damp, caffeinated, sugared, and we decide the moral standing of the entire species.

Let me tell you how it actually works, because the world imagines a cathedral and it is, I promise you, a book club with a mandate.

287 nominations this year. 208 people, 79 organizations. Anyone can nominate, that’s the secret nobody understands: a professor, a parliamentarian, a former laureate, so the “nominee” list is meaningless, it’s a suggestion box, and every autumn some congressman nominates his own golden retriever and the press writes “SHORTLISTED.” Nobody is shortlisted. There is no short list the public ever sees. There is us, and the coffee, and the rain, and the portraits, and a Norwegian stubbornness that is older than the prize itself.

We read reports. The institute’s advisers write them, thick dull documents, and we argue. Our chairman told the BBC once that in the final meeting “there is a high temperature.” High temperature, for a Norwegian, means someone slightly raised an eyebrow and then apologized for it. We don’t do high temperature. We do a long silence, and then Kristin says “well,” and everyone knows exactly what “well” meant, and it’s settled. That’s our shouting. “Well.” You’d have to be raised here to hear the violence in it.

Now. This year. I will not say the name, because we never say the name, but you know the name.

A certain head of state wanted this prize the way a child wants a thing in a shop window, which is to say loudly, and in public, and with the full belief that wanting it was itself the argument. He said he deserved it. He said he’d ended eight wars, a number that grew most times he said it, like a fish. He had other heads of state phone us. Israel’s prime minister posted it on the internet, “Give him the Nobel.” The leaders of Cambodia and Pakistan announced they’d nominated him, as though announcing it were part of it, as though we tally mentions. A man flew around the globe collecting endorsements for a Norwegian committee the way you’d collect signatures for a petition to the council about a noisy dog.

And here, uff da, is the detail I treasure, the one that makes me smile into my coffee. The nomination deadline is the 31st of January. He took office on the 20th. So for all the phone calls, all the posts, all the gilded lobbying, the only nominations that could possibly count for this year’s prize were filed in the first eleven days of his term, before he had, by his own arithmetic, ended a single one of the eight wars. He campaigned all year for a prize whose window had shut while he was still hanging up his coat. We didn’t have to reject him. The calendar did. We just watched. Norwegians are very good at watching. We have long winters.

People think we sit there weighing his deeds. We don’t. That’s the thing I can’t make the world understand. We’re not grading his homework. We don’t owe anyone the prize for a ceasefire, however real, however loud the announcement. “He made peace” is not a sentence that ends in a medal, the way he believes it does, the way he believes every good thing ends in his name on it. The will of a dead Swede says the prize goes to whoever did the most for fraternity between nations. A dead Swede, I should add, who made his entire fortune inventing dynamite and selling arms, and spent his last years horrified at his own obituary, which called him a merchant of death, and so bought his way to immortality as a man of peace. The whole prize is one guilty arms dealer’s attempt to launder his name. We are, all of us, administering a dead man’s public relations. I find this clarifying. It keeps me humble. It should keep everyone humble, and it keeps, by my count, no one humble at all.

So who did we give it to?

An eighty-five-year-old woman. A judge. Born in Durban, under apartheid, granddaughter of a Tamil man who came to South Africa as indentured labor, a bus driver’s daughter from the poor Indian quarter, who became the first non-white woman to run a law practice in her province, who defended Mandela’s people when defending them was dangerous, who sat on the Rwanda tribunal and the court at the Hague, and who, at eighty-five, is right now a judge weighing whether a genocide is a genocide. When we told the world, our chairman said the rule of law “underpins the system we have set up to ensure peace,” and that “peace requires justice.” She wasn’t even in Oslo. She was in Nuremberg. In courtroom 600. The actual room where they tried the Nazis. You cannot stage that. God staged that, and God, it turns out, is a better satirist than any of us.

She did not phone us. She did not post. No prime minister demanded it for her on the internet. She had, as far as our deliberations are concerned, the one qualification the loud man could never manufacture, which is that she wanted the work and not the medal. The medal finds those people. It flees the ones who chase it. This is not a rule we wrote. It’s just the only pattern the hundred-odd years of our mistakes has ever shown.

The reaction from across the ocean was immediate. His spokesman posted that we “place politics over peace.” Ja. Perhaps. We’re five damp pensioners in a rainy city; of course it’s political, it was always political, it was political when we gave it to a sitting American president nine months into his first term for the promise of things he had not yet done, and we have been quietly embarrassed about that one for fifteen years, so believe me, we had a particular reason this year to prefer a woman with fifty years of verdicts behind her over a man with eight wars in front of him and a deadline already behind him.

Here is what he will never understand, the thing I’d tell him on the tram if he ever took one. We are the one prize he cannot buy, cannot post his way to, cannot have a friendly dictator phone in for him. Not because we’re incorruptible, nei, we’re as vain and wrong and human as the portraits on our wall. But because the entire point of the thing, the only power a small cold country’s book club has ever held, is that it goes to the person not performing the wanting. The moment you demand it, you’ve proven you don’t understand what it’s for, and proving that is itself the disqualification. He ran the most expensive campaign in the history of the prize and the campaign was the reason. He was never losing to Navi Pillay. He was losing to the concept.

It’s dark now. Four o’clock dark. The buns are gone. Kristin said “well” an hour ago and we all went home. I’m on the tram with my wet shoes, and somewhere across the water a very powerful man is explaining to a camera that the prize is rigged, that we’re corrupt, that he’ll win it next year, and he genuinely might, we’re only five idiots and we’ve been wrong before, Kissinger is still on the wall.

But not this year. This year an old woman in Nuremberg, in the room where the law once stared down the exact kind of man who thinks wanting a thing loudly enough should make it his, got a phone call she didn’t ask for.

That’s the job. We don’t reward the man who ends the war and announces it.

We reward the woman who spent fifty years deciding what a war was.

He’ll never see the difference. That’s rather the whole point of him.

Takk for i dag. I have to change trams.

[ɳყαɦ! @JINKIESBTCH]

fortunately for me i will go very far in life

[💜🖤 @bigthebla]

This December is for sleeping, nothing else. Re kgathetse mahn 😪

[t. @thandoau]

grieving people, opportunities, experiences, memories and the idea of what you thought life would look like. it’s endless.

[Sinethemba. 💜 @cnehshuga]

God bless this new week 💕🙏🏾

[Zury with a y @Zuryism]

‘I need to keep checking that my significance, security, and satisfaction are not in the things I am waiting for, but in the Lord Jesus Christ.’

[David Hundeyin @DavidHundeyin]

A media establishment funded by the same government that refers to African migrants heading to the UK as "swarms" (a term normally used to describe insects) does not suddenly care about the fate of African migrants when they happen to be in South Africa.
https://t.co/Z5cfdBbMq3

[David Hundeyin @DavidHundeyin]

This is what BBC Africa excels at. Glorified tabloid journalism masquerading as important, hard-hitting stories.

They'll never do a documentary on how South Africa's 9% white minority STILL holds roughly 83% of the country's wealth 29 years after the end of apartheid.

They'll never do a documentary on how the typical black household in South Africa holds about 5% of the wealth of the typical white household, despite making up 85% of the population.

No documentary on how South Africa prefers to spend billions of rands annually on social welfare grants to a young and alarmingly unproductive population instead of investing in education (while tuition fees go up and increasingly exclude said unproductive majority population), effectively subsidising today by eating tomorrow and ensuring that defacto apartheid will remain in place for at least another generation.

No documentary about how deliberate policy choices and mismanagement since 1994 have made South Africa - a country which should have become Africa's first proper industrial economy with its existing nuclear reactors and an installed energy capacity of 40,000 MW - fail to achieve the needed growth velocity to escape poverty, and instead have a 13,000 MW energy shortfall and no prospect of industrialisation in future, which makes no sense.

No documentary on any of the actual economic issues that lead to scapegoating of poor immigrants by equally poor people. No documentary that provides any actionable insights or platform for actual broad-based societal change.

Just glossy outrage porn and elementary school analysis to feed hate clicks by those who lack knowledge of the actual issues and who erroneously think that what goes on at BBC Africa - a place where staff get fired for not getting enough clicks on their stories - can be classified as "journalism."

The Daily Mail of state-funded propaganda outfits.

[Ess @EMukumbo]

Paying prime plus on a car is crazy business considering the person is paying a deposit, please get a pre-approval from your bank before going to shop for a car, do not apply for finance at the dealership 📢, it is usually more expensive (higher interest)

[Ụlọma 💜 @ulxma]

September is PCOS awareness month and this is a reminder to everyone that this condition affects 1 in 10 women and hirsutism is one of its many effects. Also, women with PCOS do not owe you removal of their own facial hair.

Now, stop being a dickhead and read a fucking book.

[mpilo @MpiloKhumalo_]

@fcfortune I will order a ride that costs R160 on the app, as soon it drops me off, they suddenly deduct R220, that PISSES ME OFF

[Asisipho Burwana @Shoun_B]

Every tongue that rises against me shall fall.

[A D É K Ú N L É 🩵 @kunle_pata]

There’s this latest technology they use in CV for stolen iPhones.

They’ll clown a message from apple and send to the number attached to your your lost device stating “A new sim was just inserted into your lost iPhone. View the number”.

Follow the step and the phone is gone.

[me. @hellozuleka]

Another pair tried talking to my sister and I at sea point promenade. Told them no immediately 😭

[me. @hellozuleka]

They recruit you online too 😂

[Gugu Dlamini @ggdlams]

Guys, if anyone approaches you at the mall, on the street or anywhere nje, telling you about an online bible study, RUN!! They usually walk in pairs & they’re very kind, almost too nice. They’ll start by complimenting you or something then tell you about a bible study. RUN!!

[Gugu Dlamini @ggdlams]

Guys, if anyone approaches you at the mall, on the street or anywhere nje, telling you about an online bible study, RUN!! They usually walk in pairs & they’re very kind, almost too nice. They’ll start by complimenting you or something then tell you about a bible study. RUN!!

[philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_]

Do not quote tweet obvious attempts at engagement bait, even if it is to call them out – you are only helping them!

This person is aiming to be paid under twitter’s new revenue-sharing program. Don’t quote tweet, don’t reply, just block.

[Professional /Sham|boo|lar/ 🇿🇦 @OwenKubekz]

This might not be helpful to her now because it’s quite late, but I can’t stress this enough for anyone who cares to read: When you go to varsity coming from a poor background, join student politics organizations & participate in their programs. These issues can disappear!