Bell

tboy

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

River baby

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

First trip to the beach since top surgery!! Toes in the sand! Tits in the sun!

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

I can’t I can’t I can’t do this

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

We have known for years exactly how to help me feel better, improving my cardiovascular and joint health exponentially. But he didn’t want me to do it because he would enjoy my body less if I did.

And I still fought every day to believe that he loved me.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

Trying to get a job in accessibility testing and IT COULD BE SO PERFECT

To make money and ALSO do something I care about? In THIS economy???

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

I’ll never stop finding it wildly humorous that my ex left me because he couldn’t be in a queer relationship, yet our friendliness post-breakup is Extremely Queer Coded.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

NO ONE CAN PUNCH WALLS AND STOMP AND YELL TO STOP ME NOW.
TITS OFF FOR HARAMBE

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

I’m still so terrified my ex can control me somehow.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

Stomach pain reminded me I hadn’t pooped in 10 days so I rocked up to my host’s house with my own squatty potty and laxitives to blow up their toilet.

Proud to report: mission accomplished. I can continue my journey tomorrow no longer full of shit.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

Sometimes it's like, "he only SA'd me three times. Three times in 13 years really isn't bad."

Sometimes it's like, "he SA'd me Three Times."

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

Had a 7-yr-strong friend over last night. Open, relaxed conversation about the breakup and my move.

I’m doing such a good job. He’ll never know what C did to me. I’m protecting C’s reputation and crawling into the dark to lick my wounds alone.

Am I a good Christian now?

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

@notmarsadler Don’t do it! If you dangle your face as a reward for hitting a follower benchmark than your followers will feel an ownership over your flesh suit that is just ICKY.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

@Purple_DnDingo I’m so afraid I won’t. That with enough time and proximity I become unbearable. That maybe this is why my closest friends are long-distance. That’s the only way anyone can tolerate me.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

God didn’t want me. My parents don’t want me. My husband doesn’t want me.

I tried so hard to be good enough. Why aren’t I good enough?

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

@notmarsadler Where the e in EMDR stands for Eiffel tower

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

Such a weirdly bad brain night.

I'm trying to write a novella about loving the rotting monster of yourself and finding people to love it with, but all I can feel is self-loathing.

I try so hard, and I keep losing people.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

The man I thought was my friend, who had coffee with me every other week while I was near-dead sick, has set up a regular call to support my ex through the divorce and shot off just one text to me.

The predictability of Christian men.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

Do you tell other 30-something adults that they're doing such a good job stepping over bumps in the road? No? THEN DON'T FUCKING DO IT TO ME.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

I swear to bob, if one more person compliments me on how well I get around in my wheelchair I will do several arsons.

[Bell @hellsbellamy]

Is it normal to still love and want to hang out with someone who SAd me. I feel insane. Like he's two people, constantly slipping from one to the other in my mind. I see everything in double.