Karen

I am a cheeseburger

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Oh look twitter is still here let’s get into some self loathing. It’s been a while.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Never having a birthday again.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Spent my birthday at the gym because it was either work off my feelings or cry. Yay 29!

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Ironing all my ex’s clothes before I give them back to him cause I’m a housewife and he doesn’t realize my worth. 🤗

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Dating where you work is a bad idea but I never learn my lesson. 🙃

[Karen @hertzwhale]

I need a haircut but the only pics I have of what I want is Katherine Heigl circa 2009 and thats embarrassing so I’m not gonna cut my hair.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

If my office job doesn’t cancel work tomorrow I’m going to actually cry.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Started a second job today and I was so fake nice up until my brother came in for lunch and I called him fat.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

I’m way too excited for my jersey shore vacation in July.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Had to explain to big dumb cop today that we broke up over a week ago and either he doesn’t understand or doesn’t accept it. Oh well.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Watching too much forensic files. Need to talk to my nephew about stranger danger legit.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

Broke up with boyfriend today and my little brother is dying because it’s Feb 13. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Karen @hertzwhale]

The last two times fuckboys brought me flowers was in February and not related to Valentine’s Day. Interesting...

[Karen @hertzwhale]

I’m not dating anymore. I hate everyone.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

My resting heart rate was 102 today RIP me hope someone takes care of my orange cats.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

My hair is amazing right now so please never let me bleach it again.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

I’m dying alone all miserable and whatever but at lease I have the office and orange cats.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

After years together my cats are finally starting to get along and groom each other. Except duchess didn’t like it and ran away just now.

[Karen @hertzwhale]

I want to be Elliott but I’m actually dr Cox 😐

[Karen @hertzwhale]

@bridgetx26 I mean my dad has a heart murmur and my ma had two valve replacements so idk if I die I die. Pour some scotch out for me.