hanayu hanayu

絕望

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

how come we never grew wings when it was like this to fall so hard?

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

I felt so fucking stupid. Fucking mental.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

I realized how I low-maintenance-friend I am. I was just here, not celebrated. I felt seen for sometime. Jokes on me to think that stuffing sweet in my palate would do any better. I was trying so hard, so bad I want to vomit.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

the feeling was so bad, i needed to isolate.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

i wish clean by ts is true. coz if it is, i would go under this storm just to forget. i will stay there for as long as these thoughts wash away. then i would watch it flow. i would look at it trying not to regret anything. i would get my towel, get myself dry, and sleep.

[shﾑn @sunetzz_]

guys i liedddddd 😭😭😭😭 i actually want it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i want it so bad 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i want it so bad i almost threw up on the floor 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 so bad it’s consuming me 😭😭

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

to give it a second thought, hindi talaga progressive. his thoughts felt so close-minded. i had to walk backwards just to tell him that it doesnt work like that. i wasnt telling i was correct the whole time pero hindi talaga right ung banters niya.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

this is to say that yesterday shouldve been different but not to grieve, it should make me move forward. the last thing he kept me drowning was the first thing that made me wake up. i failed. its my fault. he made me happy but there are better things to prioritize

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

yesterday shouldve been different. someone shouldve used my gaming acc to play in a tournament. someone shouldve holding my hand while applying internal force. someone shouldve reading my fave line from the book i love. someone shouldve greeted me a happy birthday.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

the thing was no fixing. it was a hard blow. a pill i need to swallow. it was good till it lasted. it was here yesterday and today it was gone.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

@JoemelCasA hala

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

it was ages ago and i finally saw his face. wow, that was so much ages ago.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

@JoemelCasA feel ko next magbabangs na to

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

it's that bad when i search for his name again in facebook, hoping to see a new profile picture and yet i keep coming back to his favorite quote from ivy.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

he was Iike the embodiment of what i want in a man. funny, goofy, kind, understanding, and has similar taste with me. but that's all of it. i don't want to be the dumbest and never be the second party.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

I hope my pillow would always be sufficient enough to keep me warm. I tried putting a shirt on but coldness is still there. I covered myself with a blanket but there's too much air inside that cannot be vacuumed out. I grabbed my pillow and it felt like home.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

What happens when I saw you for the first time? What should I do? How should I react? I don't know but let's see. We'll get there.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

@JoemelCasA over sa 1 month po kami na para bang

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

why did you call me after saying good night to your girlfriend? did you like her in the morning?

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

it was not okay to feel something like this. so illegal. it felt like i was making a crime yet there's no body found. it was a mental challenge for the police to accuse me of murder... for stabbing my heart 30 miles away from home.

[hanayu hanayu @hesincurable]

upholding the boundary the self actually imposed is hard. the boundary is right and respectful. and yet sometimes, i wish it to be in favor of me. i wish all of it to be mine.