Haley Traub

Bartender. Dog mom. Burrata connoisseur.

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

@marksteffen FAKE NEWS. SIGNED, DEFINITELY NOT MOGWAI

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

@marksteffen IM TRYING TO WIN A PRIZE PACK

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

#BestAtHomeContest

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

Thank you @thedailybeast, 'twas fun! https://t.co/eZgv1GaN5Z

[The Daily Beast @thedailybeast]

New York bartender @hetraub just won the national Speed Rack championship —here's her favorite shot-and-a-beer combination and more from the champ herself. From @NRothbaum https://t.co/9UBAAL0clg

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

@steadycraig If you flew back from MSP I think my lost suitcase was on your flight. Happy to pick it up from Lake Street, it's the one full of dog toys and mini liquor bottles.

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

It's not even noon and I've already laundered all of my bras. Expect no more productivity from me today, world.

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

My stylist parted my hair on the wrong side and mercury is in retrograde so basically my life is falling apart.

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE 🍕🍕🍕 http://t.co/P1OhHNu44u

[Jamie Woodham @jwoodham]

DATING TIP: Don't reply to texts right away or you might look desperate. Just wait. Give it 5, 10, maybe even 15 years. Keep things casual.

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

My paycheck goes to NYU. #collegein5words

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

"I don't need this", she whispers quietly to herself as the show time dancers begin their routine

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

@tinyladynadia I wrote a play in 8th grade where all the girls were in love with a guy named chad so this is very triggering for me

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

@_babyblueivy but like you know about the Nancy/Tonya museum in Brooklyn, right?

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

Why did no one tell me about @nellyville: license to ride wit me? I thought you people were my friends.

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

I'm a lady on the streets and a considerate, consensual, attentive lover in the sheets.

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

For how many guys I've matched with on @Tinder w/ sedated tigers in their pics I'm pretty pissed that I still haven't pet a tiger #smdh

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

@Tinder thank god, the men on tinder were really missing a certain je ne sais quoi aspect of doucheyness

[Haley Traub @hetraub]

Strengths include: being that asshole who shows up late but still has store bought food/drinks with her #sorrynotsorry #butkindasorry