J

I once used barbecue sauce as salad dressing. Not my most shining moment.

[J @HeyForty]

Man of the Year Award:
At Starbucks, man behind me has a flip phone with the Godfather theme song as his ringtone

[J @HeyForty]

On today’s episode of Hinge

[J @HeyForty]

On today's episode of Men Ain't Shit:

- Guy follows me on IG
- Guy slides into DMs
- Guy wants to take me fishing
- I have to tell guy to introduce himself
- Guy is "5ft9" and bald
- Guy lives 2 hours away and doesn't offer to drive to me for the first date

wtf

[J @HeyForty]

I went on a first date on Monday and of course I said something dumb like:

"Elon Musk looks like tofu"

In other news I'm still single, how's everyone doing

[J @HeyForty]

Golden Retriever boyfriends are out. Give me a Humpback Whale man.

Source: BBC News https://t.co/MJYIqqVCzE

[J @HeyForty]

Luigi Mangione looks like discount James Franco

[J @HeyForty]

Me, casually reading a travel article about the 25 best places to visit in 2025:

New Zealand...Serbia...Greece...COLUMBUS, OHIO?

ARE WE OK?

[J @HeyForty]

@cassidy_croft No all heroes wear knee pads

[J @HeyForty]

@cassidy_croft Hahaaaaa

[J @HeyForty]

Feelin frisky might go get me a chai latte and wander the aisles at Home Goods

[J @HeyForty]

No one:

MacBook Pro when I try to search anything:
HERE ARE ALL OF THE JAVASCRIPT FILES YOU AREN'T LOOKING FOR

[J @HeyForty]

@Dalbodog Printer was running out of ink

[J @HeyForty]

I really want to ask my friend if she used the lingerie I gifted her at her bachelorette party but that’s unhinged, right?

[J @HeyForty]

I’m going to start using Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd as a unit of measurement.

For example:

“How far do you live?”
“Almost one whole Free Bird away”

[J @HeyForty]

Currently obsessed with this restaurant's hilarious Google maps q&a

[J @HeyForty]

Shout out to my white trash, chain-smoking 70-yr-old neighbor who is blasting Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” at 12:45pm on a Monday

[J @HeyForty]

I just can’t fathom living in a world without real-time weather updates. Imagine it’s 1920 and you have no idea a Cat 5 hurricane is barreling towards you. 😱

[J @HeyForty]

@nocontextmemes Definitely thought he was gonna show us where he shat himself

[J @HeyForty]

🧠: Dating gives me the ick. I have to actually spend all my time with this guy? That's annoying.
🫀: YOU'RE LONELY
🐱: WE NEED TO BE BENT OVER
🍳: YOU'RE GETTING OLDER
🧠: Nah we're gonna be single forever

[J @HeyForty]

Why are hippos trending right now

[J @HeyForty]

How to ask Jackie to hang out:

Do NOT say:
Are you free tonight?
What're you up to tonight?
What are you doing tonight?
How's it going?

DO say:
I'm doing x activity, want to join?
Hanging out with x, you should come!
Planning on x thing on x date, lmk if you're interested.