Samantha Alexander

i hate it here.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

In my next life I want to come back as a golden doodle living in South End.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

I, and I cannot stress this enough, accept all cookies.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

@katieperalta The best spot!

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

“Please hurry…there’s been a terrible accident.”

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

Spooky season just doesn’t hit the same knowing there are middle-aged women named Cheryl with decorative throw pillows that say “100% that witch”

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

for reference

[Charlotte Hornets @hornets]

.@lizzo knows what's good. 7 PM - We'll see you there.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

Not me becoming a sports fan after seeing @lizzo in a bedazzled @hornets jersey.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

Political texts right now be like “HELP! If you don’t donate to the Democratic Party before the black flame candle burns out, Barack and Joe will disappear forever!! Only YOU can save them with a gift this Halloween night!🥺🕯”

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

@katieperalta

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

Ok I’ll bite, what’s a yung gravy?

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

My Planta app is one step away from being like “bitch, do you WANT your plants to die?”

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

The absolute height of luxury as a kid was an indoor pool at a Hampton Inn.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

Live every day like you’re @ted_williams in a 4 button polo.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

There’s nothing more luxurious than a full wine rack even if all the bottles were like $5 at Trader Joe’s.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

@jamisonfoser “The pro-life generation” is in quotes btw. These young pro-lifers call themselves the pro-life generation. They are constantly holding signs and wearing t-shirts that say this. The headline is just a reference to how this minority group refers to themselves…

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

Some are already saying we have a mental illness problem in this country and I totally agree. It’s a mental illness to care more about guns than keeping people safe.

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

@m_a_h_o_n_e_y I don’t care about Charlotte being world class. I’d much rather keep my quiche and lattes from @CentralCoffee

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

@Egunndone Romantic

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

John Mayer singing in 2022:
🎶Your body is a battleground🎶

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

Can we all go outside at some point today and just scream?

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

@nealvanhalen @singheyjude It’s the yellow for me but I respect everyone’s embalming sauce of choice

[Samantha Alexander @heyglamz]

When I die, I want to be embalmed with the yellow sauce from viva chicken.