🐣 (parody) (official)

heard, chef

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

I'm nobody, but I've been using and enjoying this site consistently for 10 years. I've laughed, I've learned, I've vented, I've made connections. But everything @elonmusk does makes me feel icky about being here, so I've gotta go. Thnks fr th mmrs 🤘

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

@cdopes3 Last week one of my classmates called an owner to check in with them when they were 20 mins late for their appt (ie. are you on your way or not able to make it?) and the client was like, soooo sorry, my dog actually died last night 💀

[Women Posting W's @womenpostingws]

PLEASE

[Dr. Glaucomflecken @DGlaucomflecken]

If this app goes away, I’ll always remember the good times we spent together as well as the 30-50 feral hogs that ran into that guys yard within 3-5 min of his children playing

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

I know a colleen & matt couple irl so watching them on love is blind is incredibly cringe and has stirred up all of my outrage about that relationship

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

@tyongs_byun 😞 I'm sorry babes I can't imagine

[Hank Green @hankgreen]

The current battle happening in my own mind between wanting twitter to succeed because it has brought a lot of value and wonderful moments to my life and wanting it to fail because I’d really like those 10 hours a week back.

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

@elonmusk question, does my handle count as impersonation? must I specify that I am not a small yellow bird?

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

@T2Million Back atcha, I always look forward to seeing you! 🥰

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

@Lionhearted_ben You could probably work as a vet tech at a clinic if they don't require licensing in your state! Most are pretty desperate for anyone to work there at any time, and would love a med student

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

I've never been shat on by a bird but I know that can't last forever, so I'm just always walking around paranoid, waiting for a bird to shit on me

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

I was trying to find my old twitter account and discovered some 2015/2016 tweets about me from people I barely knew in high school. What a weird experience, why were they reporting on me years after graduation

[yuh @lemonpepperTy]

it’s bisexual awareness week so you have to think about me

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

I hear you girl, but why not just "Why don't employees of the vet hospital get paid enough to afford care there for their sick animals?" Why do we have to put down someone else who's struggling?

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

It's so interesting how so many people will jump right to comparisons when they're upset by something. "Why do poor people without jobs get donated money to help care for their sick pets, when employees of the vet hospital can't afford the same care and get no financial help?"

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

Your weight is not your worth. Your comedic ability is your worth

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

Telling him I’m gonna put on something to set the mood and it’s this

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

Why do we just accept this as super normal across all fields of medicine lol

[🐣 (parody) (official) @heyitsjbird]

Religion is so weird. Yesterday at a catholic wedding I watched 3 grown ass men bow down to a cracker. How do people objectively find that normal