Maley

that's my purse i don't know you

[Talkin' Baseball @TalkinBaseball_]

HANDS TEAM

[trash jones @jzux]

ahh sounds so fun but i already have plans

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

I’m SUPER afraid of shots, but today I got my flu shot. There was an old man beside me, also getting his flu shot, who could tell I was nervous. So when they asked him which arm he wanted it in he yelled “MY BUTT!” It made me laugh so hard this is the only good thing about 2020.

[S.C.A @sophiechiaka]

“If you get sexually assaulted / raped why wouldn’t you tell the police?”

A thread of quotes said by real judges in court during rape trials👇🏾

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

City of Minneapolis: Rename Chicago Avenue to George Floyd Avenue - Sign the Petition! https://t.co/RwKmnU3Xii via @Change

[Abby D. Phillip @abbydphillip]

This tweet comes as officials in Minnesota are investigating whether outsiders, including white supremacists, are inciting riots.

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

I don’t mean to start anything... but have you ever seen Mr. 305 and Mr. Worldwide in the same room?

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

I don’t ever want anyone to actually talk to me... I just want everyone to think I’m cool and funny from a distance

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

Do I miss watching sports? Or do I miss the food my family makes for when we watch sports?

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

In horrifying quarantine news: my grandmother just told the whole family that if my 84 year old grandfather goes out anymore she’s making him write his own obituary

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

My mom was sitting next to me during my online class. Waited until I unmuted myself. Then FARTED AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE. What have I done to deserve this?

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

I can, AND WILL, eat a whole box of pierogies by myself

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

Why would I ever use a knife when I have 32 of them on deck in my mouth?

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

@saltgirlella No slug-cargot for you

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

Do you think snails and slugs taste alike? Like an off brand escargot? #curious

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

Do you think raw meat tastes better than cooked meat and we are just told not to eat it? Seems like forbidden fruit.

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

I'm really surprised no one on the bachelor makes “Jim from the office” faces at the camera crew

[Maley @heyitsmaley]

I think that after my future child loses their first tooth, I’m gonna convince them teeth falling out isn’t normal and just sorta let it play out