Corey McAuley

Part-time legend

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

[drive thru]
Can I have a big mac and-
"Sir this is dunkin donuts"
*leans entire body out window & puts lips on speaker*
I wasn't done yet

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

@ascendingcarl My apologies for the tardiness 😉

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

@ascendingcarl Sorry I’m here

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

Underneath this hard shell of an exterior is a kind man with an even harder shell. I am indestructible, bitch.

[Crying Man @BronzeHammer]

Hey kid...catch
*Lebron tosses kid his headband*
*Kid tosses it back*
Keep it. You ol barbershop ass corn cob pipe lookin ass motherfucker

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

[waking from a coma]
Doctor: what’s the last thing you remember?
Me: “I...I...I remember syrup sandwiches and crime allowances fin-“
*doctor smothers me with a pillow*

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

@ilovejewlia Hahaha yaaass #wekilledahealthinspector #diezombie

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

@ilovejewlia 😂😂😂

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

@ilovejewlia What it‘s just an ordinary krabby OH MY GOODNESS

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

@DanMentos That makes me depresscito. Alright see ya later

[spinny @TheSuperSpinD]

FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WONT DO WHAT YO

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

EARTHQUAKE! STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!
"Dude that's if you're on fire"
OH CRAP
*jumps in bathtub*
"That's for a tornado"
*plays dead*
"Bear att-

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

@murrman5 Excuse me sir which way to the lemur dick exhibit

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

[bursts into KFC]
COLONEL WE'RE GOING TO WAR
"He isn't a real-"
*head pops out of the potato wedges*
"BATTLE STATIONS YOU CARNIVOROUS LOONS"

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

Blood soaked carpets. Glass crunching beneath my feet. "We got a motive?" Chief asks. Hidden amongst the rubble, a single klondike wrapper.

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

[Drivers test]
"So did I pass?"
No
"But why?"
You put your arms over your head and yelled "look no hands" 13 times
"Was that not enough?"

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

[girls gossping]
"I bet he's thinking about you right now"
*camera flashes to guys hanging out*
Dude look, I can make a dragon with my hands

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

[on a date]
Honey I need to ask you something...
*gets down on one knee*
How's my "thinking man" pose?
*puts elbow on knee and fist on chin*

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

[on date]
You know what I like to do on the first date?
"What's that?"
*leans in, violently clears table*
ARM WRESTLE
*slams elbow down*

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

*mom knocks on door*
"What's going on in there? I thought I heard tweeting"
Uh um just doing homework
*stuffs hand written tweets in drawer*

[Corey McAuley @heytherecore]

For sale: Racecar bed
-Low miles
-No urine stains(okay 1 stain)
-Does not run

Asking for friendship or best offer(please be my friend)