hell followed with us bot

an hourly quote bot for andrew joseph white’s NYT/indie bestseller “hell followed with us” // beware of spoilers!

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

for all the kids who sharpen
their teeth and bite.
— A. J. W.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

People are alive. This is my fault, but people are alive, God, they’re alive.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

Nick can be anything else. He can be cruel. He can build an entire personality out of violence and disconnection, convince everyone that he is unfeeling and uncaring, but he will not betray a friend.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

She says, sick burbling up with each word, “It hurts.”

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

Those who obey God and His commands shall be blessed, the way faithful men have always been blessed. But to those who turn from Him, He is wrath. He is fire. He tells us where to burn.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

I’m scared; I don’t want him to put a single hand on me, I don’t want him to exhale in my direction; I want to wrap my arms around him and stay there forever.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

“Benji, short for Benjamin. He/him.” It tastes so sweet that it almost wipes the memory of blood off my tongue.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

A death squad in my path to Reformation, standing around a pair of crumpled, broken bodies. They are beaten and crushed. Their deaths were not quick. It was a game.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

Nick walks into the room like he just crawled out of bed. His hair is falling out of its pins, and his knuckles are white around the bead lizard.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

I look like the billions of dead with the Flood tearing them to pieces. I look like the people who didn’t survive. I look the way I should, and Seraph isn’t even done with me yet.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

Lord, we can’t keep going like this.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

He pats the spot next to him. Still not looking. Every eye of the nest turns to me instead, mouths opening and closing as if beckoning. I do as they ask, sitting beside Theo on the pew, and Theo settles a hand on my leg and goes right back to praying.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

I loved him through the death squads, through the carving of skin from his back, through him slamming me against the wall and squeezing my wrists so tight, I thought they would break.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

“They don’t know who I am. If they did, they’d kill me.” But Nick knows who I am, Erin knows, and for some reason I don’t say that.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

Suffering is the price of flesh. Be grateful for the gift of it.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

Nick looks up from the lizard—which has fourteen blue beads and thirty-six yellow beads, which he knows because he’s counted them a thousand times—to find her staring at nothing.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

I'm begging the same way I pray, before I can stop myself.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

I’m scared of the beast in the trees, the barest glimpse Seraph has given me of fangs, feathers, and flesh. Because I think that beast—six wings, Death on his pale horse, the monster of the sea and blasphemy, the wrath of the Lamb, the wrath of the Lamb—is me.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

Prayers don’t help any of the living besides the one saying them. I can’t just stand here. I promised I would help.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

As he replaces his old, ragged mask, I get a glimpse at his awkward half stubble. My dysphoria burns. I’ll never get to have that. I’ve come to terms with it, sure, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

[hell followed with us bot @hfwu_bot]

Your love must be strong enough that it becomes fearsome! It is fear that brings the unfaithful to the Lord. It will be fear that saves the nonbelievers. It will be fear that teaches heretics the truth of our Almighty God.