Hewitt Huntwork

"We're all dead and the internet is Heaven." ~ Hewitt Huntwork

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

BREAKING: Nation's Stress Balls Starting To Wonder What The Fuck Is Going On

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@belle_aec That is difficult. I've had to cut some people loose, but nobody I will grieve (yet). But I always say, knowing me is a privilege that is under my sole discretion. Likewise, if someone found me morally repugnant and didn't want to be friends, I'd have no choice but to accept it.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@belle_aec That is difficult. I've had to cut some people loose, but nobody I will grieve (yet). But I always say, knowing me is a privilege that is under my sole discretion. Likewise, if someone found me morally repugnant and didn't want to be friends, I'd have no choice but to accept it.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

Could 3 overlooked black ladies please come fix this for us? I promise we'll make a movie about you in the future.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@Angry_Staffer Thank you. You are one of 2 reasons I remain on this platform at all and I am not ashamed to admit I need leadership and comforting in this moment.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@ChristFinnegan Ooh good I can't wait to see if that Buffalo Wild Wings waitress gets her settlement check.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

I wonder how many immigrants to this country in the last 3.5 years have 91 felony charges. I'm guessing zero.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@pipsish It's like I told users of the Goodreads app on Facebook: If I need to know what page of a book you're on, I promise to contact you directly. Same with your W****e score!

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@KimmyMonte Last year they had Christmas stuff out on December 26th and I was like, "we don't even get ONE DAY?!?!?"

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

I've been in a coma for 8 years. Did Trump ever show his taxes?

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@GamewithDave

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@aparnapkin We just are finally getting around to Search Party season 5 and we exclaimed at the sight of you. Aparna!

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@AnthonyMKreis

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

Daniel Craig has made a career of playing characters who wouldn't be caught dead in this outfit.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@joshgondelman I'm tickled that you know Sparklehorse. (I have no association with them. You knowing them just makes me feel less old.)

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@LawSelfDefense @StephenKing He's written plenty. I think the problem may be user error.

[Seth Abramson @SethAbramson]

BREAKING: Philadelphia Inquirer Calls on Convicted Felon, Confirmed Rapist, Career Con Man, Pathological Liar, Racist, Antisemite, Misogynist, Homophobe, Islamophobe, and Malignant Narcissistic Sociopathic Insurrectionist Donald Trump to End His Campaign https://t.co/xOOYoEPVH9

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@Angry_Staffer Steve Bannon looks like an alcoholic's liver.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@StephenKing Every time I watch one of these Quiet Place movies I marvel at how much story can transpire with so little dialogue.

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@SCharles056 @3YearLetterman @StephenKing 3YearLetterman is a famous parody account. You should check it out (especially when people start responding to your comment with things like, "you probably financed your waterbed.")

[Hewitt Huntwork @HHuntwork]

@smalls2672 I had colon cancer and chemotherapy. I always tell people I'd rather have a colonoscopy every day for 6 months than go through chemo again. But you're not actually supposed to do it!