Mike Hawkins

Human Being and author of this Twitter bio.

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

@CountryUniverse End of decade as well?

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Groom Does Stand Up at Own Wedding and Kills https://t.co/oJC4xeF6tM via @YouTube
An old trick I use to get more stage time; find someone to marry, throw a wedding, repeat.

[Pull The Plug @PTPPodcast]

We're back! Listen to "VR Porn, Pokemon Go, and Mike Hawkins" now! https://t.co/vTLhv2pByz

[Pull The Plug @PTPPodcast]

The return of @highwayman3 on this weeks episode. "Whiplr, Dad Talk, and the Return of Mike Hawkins". Awesome. http://t.co/LmO5zGMq1w

[Pull The Plug @PTPPodcast]

He's back! Angry Again by @highwayman3 | http://t.co/5zqC4B4kw4

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

@okaino did the second baby die of cholera in the book? Or was he kidnapped?

[Pull The Plug @PTPPodcast]

He's back! He's angry! ...and he's in love? It's a blog BITCH! by Mike Hawkins | http://t.co/rdfoSRgNj4

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Started resting up and saving all my energy for when I have to change all the clocks back to standard time in the fall.

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Watching men's four-man bobsledding has inspired me to take up more sitting and doing nothing.

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Ice dance like nobody's watching for a chance to see up your skirt and witness you fall down.

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Keep in mind, these Olympic Games aren't just about sport. They're about testing our international tolerance for men's curling team pants.

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

If these Olympics are truly the modern Olympics, as they claim, then we'd be hearing, "he shoots, he scores, he takes a selfie."

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Homeschooling and looking for some literature to help teach your kids how to read? Try my blog. http://t.co/R3sLxJMpWm

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Smart advertising: Be sure to add this new step every time you catch on fire!
1. Stop
2. Drop
3. Download ptppodcast on iTunes
4. Roll

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Hey don't go deleting Facebook just yet! Wait until I have kids and upload their pictures so you can look at them, first.

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

"Hey guys, come check out my blog!" - Caveman after drawing a bunch of white lizard-men pictographs onto cave walls in 10,000 BC.

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Tip: Disown your family right before Family Day so you don't have to pay for gas to go and see them. Then reach out to reunite right after.

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

Thanks everyone, that was fun. See you at the finals for the WNBA?

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

It's over. Great ceremonial coin toss this year everyone. #SuperBowI

[Mike Hawkins @highwayman3]

How long does FOX want us to stick around after the #SuperBowl for? Have a meeting on Thursday.