James Hough

hi.

[James Hough @hihough]

Were the members of Creedence Clearwater Revival in a bad haircut competition?

[James Hough @hihough]

As far as jobs go, I’d have been pretty good at keeping Milli Vanilli from performing. “Hey guys, remember how you didn’t write or record any of these songs? Get the fuck off the stage.”

[James Hough @hihough]

I don’t have any data to support this but people who lift their windshield wipers up before a snowstorm are fuckin nerds.

[James Hough @hihough]

@VinnysCorner1 John Smith

[James Hough @hihough]

“No, thank you. I had that big muffin yesterday.” – grandmas

[James Hough @hihough]

I’m in my 40’s and one of my biggest fears is a coworker Slacking me, “you coming to this?”

[James Hough @hihough]

@SalidaBooks @JoseCanseco @CardPurchaser There’s bad news and there’s bad news.

[James Hough @hihough]

What if when we died we just turned into benches?

[James Hough @hihough]

It’s almost as if someone told New York City that they weren’t good at honking their horns and they were like, “Let’s show ‘em how good we honk.”

[James Hough @hihough]

My daughter has her mother’s sighs.

[James Hough @hihough]

@seanoconnz @Much_Many Did he write 100% of his book? I assume the answer is yes but looking to confirm. I got into an argument with a friend about how he wrote the whole thing and realize only now that I actually have no idea.

[James Hough @hihough]

Few things go together as well as reading a book and picking your nose.

[James Hough @hihough]

Patti Smith looks like heroin’s aunt.

[James Hough @hihough]

The best part about going to a toddler birthday party is farting then watching several parents smell their kids’ butts.

[James Hough @hihough]

I guess I can’t call myself a romantic given how much I enjoy watching people breakup.

[James Hough @hihough]

Don’t worry. Just taking life advice from an influencer half my age, that didn’t finish high school but somehow makes more than I do.

[James Hough @hihough]

I never quote Zoolander on the off chance I die a moment later because I don’t want the last thing I do on this earth to be quoting Zoolander.

[James Hough @hihough]

“You want what I’m having or some weird beer I’m trying to get rid of?” – an honest host

[James Hough @hihough]

You’d think, “Ain’t I a stinker?” would’ve been Pepé Le Pew’s catchphrase but nope. Bugs Bunny got all that shit.

[James Hough @hihough]

Whoever came up with the expression “cold hard cash” wasn’t good at adjectives.