hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️

i make dumb jokes. she/her.

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

brain: ugh i could really use some dopamine rn

me: *goes online shopping*

wallet: NO NOT LIKE THAT

brain: yesssssss right there just like that

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

i’m back

strictly for bts content

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@mc_guinness4 @AlisonHammond this is like telling people not to share their vacation pics because you can’t afford to take your own vacation…not a good look.

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

to any prospective parents who are considering keeping their baby’s sex a surprise until birth:

i found out my first child was female when someone said “oh she’s peeing”

on me. she was peeing on me.

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@thee_lamb @yassnito idk, maybe the netflix? 😂

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@ChickWithADrone @SixBrownChicks

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@ChickWithADrone @SixBrownChicks what if it was some shit like a paddle boat 😂

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@CantCatchMe09 @mandsxnmw @SixBrownChicks after the third time i was like “is this bait to find a new married ass to lick?” 🤔

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@mandsxnmw @SixBrownChicks pulling over to tell the internet the married ass you ate was so good you wanted to buy him a boat is crazy** like wtf is that man eating 😳

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@SixBrownChicks i think mrs. lick-my-butthole is gonna get her RO 🤷🏻‍♀️

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@PininaCro @DailyLoud @lavagrll she’s out here trying to raise money for ppl suffering from a natural disaster and you’re a cheapskate who can’t afford his own spank bank…i would also guess you have no rizz to get girls to send you nudes 🤭

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@3furbies @sephirothsgf_ “save the children!!! oh shit $30,000? never mind, fuck them kids”

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@meow_707_ @AppleSwan_ like i finally have a distraction removed from my life, so i should really make those calls i need to, right??

nah, i’ll just spend my morning just refreshing my ao3 tabs

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@ChadBradsonD still better than 100% of wattpad fics

[flora!🦋 @floradrolo]

just woke up, ao3 is still down

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@MeownTown @notfoundream my wattpad phase was like 2 hours 😂 i nope’d outta there so fast and practically apologized to ao3 for cheating on them

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

i’m not saying i regret my summer wedding but i am saying within five years, we will have spent two of our anniversaries celebrating other couples’ weddings 😂

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@brionneeley @RevBlackNetwork @krystalball ah i see by “voting age” you did not mean “the age people are allowed to vote” you meant “the average age of voters” no wonder i didn’t understand you

[hi, it's jordan 🤷🏻‍♀️ @hiitsjordan]

@chaotic_sub @kristoferthomas i just KNOW “banish kink” is in this man’s search history