Slap Chop

activist, political blogger, hometown hero, and fake bio maker upper

[Laurazepam @andlikelaura]

[christmas day]

God: *opens gift* wow these are cool what are they

Angel: i call them wasps, they’re kinda like bees except they’re really angry, don’t die when they sting and serve no purpose whatsoever

God: they’ll be perfect for earth, thanks Lucifer

[Plague Of Gripes @PlagueOfGripes]

An apparition appears in your room, alongside a more successful looking doppelganger of yourself.

Apparition: " - and THIS is what you would be!"

Doppelganger: "Oh my god! Spare me these twisted visions, specter! I've learned my lesson!"

(both vanish)

You: Hey what the fuck

[Jeremy Eaton @Jeremy_Eaton]

International news.
https://t.co/9HpdFAhgZx

[Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti]

I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Rudy Giuliani interviews and then asked it to write a Rudy Giuliani interview of its own. Here is the first page.

[Shenanigans @Shenanigans_luv]

The older I get the more I sympathize with Todd and Margo for having to live next door to the Griswalds

[Mina Kimes @minakimes]

tom brady looks like he's about to ask a room full of people to suspend their disbelief and believe in the power of magic just for one night

[Striggity @35mmPapi]

I don’t have a garage.

[Chris Steller @chris_steller]

Good on Sting for helping out

[dugglebutt @dugglebutt]

If it takes 10,000 hours to master something, I have just officially mastered watching my dog sniff for a place to shit

[the hype @TheHyyyype]

wife: ugh the baby's been crying for hours, can you take over?

me: sure *starts crying for hours*

[Bleacher Report @BleacherReport]

Kawhi did him dirty 👊

(@AmericanExpress) https://t.co/NAjnyMjZkj

[Andrew Farmer @thatsajellyfish]

Honestly, from the pic we see of her, I think Buzz’s girlfriend seems fun as hell. #homealone

[Big Daddy Jonesy 🇨🇦 @CartoonJonesy]

Last night, I had to choose between charging my weed vape or charging my phone, in case you’re wondering where my priorit

[deb elliott @debelli08250172]

Stop wearing cargo pants. It’s cultural appropriation. Cargo pants are worn only by the after forty dad tribe and are sacred. They are battle trousers and are earned one pocket at a time. One pocket for each child the father has spawned.