The Anxietist

Funny 2x a year, diet denier, writer @CopperfieldRev @MandSMagazine @PointsinCase @thisisrobotbutt Best of Net nom @WeeklyHumorist's ‘21 Best, Lower guac prices

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

a necromancer summons the dead but a necrobaker summons the bread

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

@LizHackett And smell the nostalgic notes of totinos pizza rolls

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

@juda1313 “You made me miss.”

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

@juda1313 This is flippin fantastic! One of my all time fav films by far.

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

Can’t for the life of me see why my tummy hurts. That triple ranch dorito siracha cholula fried tofu horchata burger was gluten free!

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

You know, there’s lots of bobcats out there but how come there’s not as many Johncats

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

Can’t believe tomorrow’s Christmas. Happy Summer everyone!

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

a bluesy horror movie or a
Fats Domino documentary called the boogie man

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

a kids horror movie called the booger man

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

a golf horror movie called the bogey, man

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

These lettuce-wrapped mozzarella sticks are killin’ it tonight

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

Sure, Kevin Bacon’s great but ever hear of Steven Pancake?

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

Fireworks are giants lighting farts

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

Maybe the question should be “what’d you do to get that Klondike Scar™️?”

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

A neat trick to avoid a spouse’s gaze is to cram the wrappers of the 4 bags of chips you ate into one before they walk in

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

Ironman? Well, I’m a man and I do iron my shirts on occasion.

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

@SteveMartinToGo Steve, how were you also a doorman at the Biltmore in DTLA?!

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

@SteveMartinToGo Steve, how were you also a doorman at the Biltmore in DTLA?!

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

You know how they make dog beds. They should make those for humans

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

A ziplock of Ferrero Rochers fell out the freezer so I guess I’m eating them all

[The Anxietist @his_dudesty]

The trees we bought 2 years ago stopped growing so I’m returning them to Lowe’s.