HotMess Moms

💌[email protected]

[HotMess Moms @hmmoms]

My hobbies include being the first one drunk at family functions.

[elon musk is my father @kariassad]

Am I depressed or is laying down fucking awesome

[Mama Needs a Nap by Lauri Walker @MamaNeedsa_Nap]

My kid called me a "Boomer" like I’m old or something.
I'm a Gen X'er, Asshat. If I was a Boomer you’d have got your ass beat instead of all those time outs.

[HotMess Moms @hmmoms]

@ksujulie Most definitely.

[HotMess Moms @hmmoms]

Vote as if the things that matter to you are on the line. Because they are.
State registration deadlines in comments and visit https://t.co/xjyV0runfp for more info. If you live in the KC Metro and need a ride to the polls on NOV 3 please email the address in our bio.

[🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 @3sunzzz]

H: What is that you're having for lunch?

Me: fruit salad

H: That's funny, it looks like a sangria.

Me: huh, weird *sips fruit salad*

[HotMess Moms @hmmoms]

@Newsweek How is this legal?

[Grown and Flown @GrownandFlown]

My parents made rules and I did
not even dream of asking why.
I make rules and my kids want
to explore my reasoning like
anthropologists uncovering a
new civilization.

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

Mark Zuckerberg recently lost 5 BILLION dollars in worth. That's billion with a B. And he's STILL the 7th richest person.

And here I am smelling my clothes to see if I can wear them again instead of wasting laundry detergent

[HotMess Moms @hmmoms]

@erichards24 @krassenstein @davematt88 Follow @Channel4News

[yeah ok @poutinesmoothie]

I was standing in the staff lounge one time as a single red balloon floated by the window, I turned to the people in there and said “wait, folks, 98 more should be coming”. Not a single person in the room got the reference and three weeks later I put in my resignation.

[UMBC Athletics @UMBCAthletics]

Well, it was fun y'all. KState may have won (50-43), but we hope to have won your hearts.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

[camera shows the crowd at a basketball game]

3-year-old: That's a lot of people.

Me: Yeah.

3: Where are their moms?

[Scary Mommy @ScaryMommy]

Some people manage stress with yoga, meditation, and a long walk.

I manage stress with simple carbs, sarcasm, and swearing.