tree 🌵

a symphony of weird noises; chaotic cynical | icon by Blair Roberts @ etsy:

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

sometimes i think about how there are so many people out there quoting shakespeare's words in all earnestness, not realising that what they've taken as their life's motto is actually a dick joke or a sexual pun.

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@PPantsdown the answer is obviously Vajazzle heart. nothing says patriot military coup like Vajazzle. (also thank you for reminding me that Vajazzle was a thing because i'd somehow forgotten this important part of history.)

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@YouAreLobbyLud "We need to move away from the narrative because it draws too much attention to reality."

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@MixtUpMixy @YouAreLobbyLud mild endemic waves of gaslighting.

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@1goodtern toxic positivity is just another type of thought-terminating cliché, only with slightly better typography.

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@subjacentish @FinchTH ah, but is he a psychosomatic adenodoberman? 🤔

[Into The Forest Dark @ElliottBlackwe3]

Upon my word," said her ladyship, "you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person. Pray, what is your age?"

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@1goodtern this reminds me of Maggie Smith's poem 'Good Bones' (https://t.co/beNI1M8zJ3)

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@jmcrookston The Coprolite Standard

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@YouAreLobbyLud @iko_iko11 The Iatrogenic Somatic Fixation would be a great band name, though.

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@Soulgirl1RN @YouAreLobbyLud wow, i've never heard of a workplace gearing its health and safety standards around what staff "wont" do before. many people find requirements like wearing shoes all day or washing their hands regularly to be uncomfortable. can your staff opt out of things like that, too?

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

as someone who hasn't worked in retail for over a decade, yet still experiences this exact moment of existential terror every year, allow me to say:

oh fuck it's december

(may the gods have mercy on your souls)

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

just so we're all clear, james joyce is the bad guy who must be stopped. i will not be accepting dissenting viewpoints at this time. #lrt

[Caustic Cover Critic @Unwise_Trousers]

maybe bad AI art _is_ the future after all! This is its script for "James Joyce vs The Terminator".

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@HestarKaty one's eyes *do* swell up almost to the point of blindness... 🧐

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@HestarKaty and then i suffer cat-induced anaphylaxis and suffocate to death on my own inflamed lung tissue! verily, 'tis a cautionary tale if ever there was one.

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

someone asks, "How old were you at the lowest point in your life?" and i think, "bold of you to use past tense."

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

somewhere in the distance, murderbot laughs darkly to itself. #lrt

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

the word 'nosy' always looks wrong to me; it just seems that there should be an 'e' in it. yet i don't feel the same about 'rosy'. nosey, yes; rosey, no. why??? i really do make myself very tired sometimes.

[tree 🌵 @hoidnish]

@HestarKaty got it. i just wondered if there was a wider context, like an offshoot of another discussion or a subtweet or something. (because i'm nosy.)