holly kim

Music buff. Amateur coffee maven. Award-winning organizer. Prone to fits of apathy. Social media aficionado. Internet fanatic.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

Thinks the toaster should give some sort of an indication when its going to pop instead of scaring the **** out of me when it does.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

It's a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

Just tried to turn on the TV with my phone

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

Just saw a lady at Walmart who looked like a half open can of biscuits.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock against the wall in the morning is the fact that it's also my cellphone.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

'But I read somewhere...' -me about to make some shit up

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

PLEASE HELP! IS IT NORMAL FOR ONE OF MY BALLS TO BE BIGGER THAN MY OTHER TWO?

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

Facebook: A place for liars and braggers to unite.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile...

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

If you had to choose between your wife and winning the Lottery what kind of car would you pick first?

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

Everything's funnier when you're supposed to be quiet.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

I found the key to success, only to discover that the door was never locked.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

If 'dress for the job you want' were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

Women always say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonald's outfit no one will even talk to me.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that's what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

After 11, please stop counting in months how old your kid is.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

I'm gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

The part of 'no' that I don't understand is the part where I don't get what I want.

[holly kim @hollykeyim]

Was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.