Art Vandalay

Why yes I would like to see the dessert menu.

[CNN Breaking News @cnnbrk]

The president said he agreed to requests from Iran and other Middle Eastern countries to cancel the attack, citing progress in talks.

Follow live updates: https://t.co/IuGUo8LPD2

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Movie deaths ranked by sadness:

1. Every dog
2. Wilson the volleyball
3. Every human

[Sesame Street @sesamestreet]

The letter X will be holding a press conference later today. #TwitterX

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Does anyone else pretend to look at their phone for a few seconds when someone’s approaching a door from an awkwardly long distance behind you so that you don’t have to force them to jog when you hold it open or are you normal

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

You tell ‘em, Glitter Beach Ken #thebachelorette

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

The climate change people need to hire the same publicist as the dolphin people because to this day I cannot look at a six pack ring without worrying it’s going to choke Flipper

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Who had “submarine billionaire’s stepson gets in Twitter spat with Cardi B over blink-182 concert” on their 2023 bingo card?

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Imagine saying anything other than blue

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Someone on TikTok asked that if everyone stopped sneezing how long it would take you to realize and it’s all I’ve thought about for 2 days

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

You said we could throw all the N95s in the trash wtf

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Bro how are you not a person with direct knowledge of the matter

[CNN Breaking News @cnnbrk]

CNN chairman and chief executive officer Chris Licht is leaving the network, according to a person with direct knowledge of the matter https://t.co/vloKzDzZwh

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Toast is just bread biscotti

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

April showers bring May pasta

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Hundreds of pounds of pasta — “15 wheelbarrow loads” — were dumped in mounds along a creek in New Jersey — and no one knows why.

An administrator of a local Facebook group called it the “Great Pasta-gate of 2023.” https://t.co/UXiEsBDX5L

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Why does it feel like the Met Gala happens like 3 times a year

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

The most unrealistic thing in a movie about shapeshifting alien robots is Shia LaBeouf landing Megan Fox

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

I love how airlines are like “it’s an absolute pleasure to welcome are platinum gold super elite status members. The rest of you can fuck all the way off”

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Why are there literally zero photos of Clarence Thomas smiling

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Is there a Simpsons episode where I win the lottery

[New York Post @nypost]

‘The Simpsons’ predicted Trump arrest, ‘Barbie’ movie 29 years ago https://t.co/QdVXeWRTSy

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Every time I’m in an airport I forget that I have ever been to an airport before in my entire life

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

Wtf

[Art Vandalay @holyscheetz]

10 minutes into the first John Wick. Can’t wait to see this guy learn to love again with the help of his new puppy