Redacted

Smartest rat in the sewer

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Buddy I sit down to cum https://t.co/ueAZLbreTj

[Paperback Paradise @paprbckparadise]

$3 #usedbooks

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

We are all NPC’s in Trisha Paytas’s life

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

No, I didn't see the eclipse. If I wanted to stare at something that's hard to look at and only lasts 5 minutes I'd go in Austin's room

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

It's spelled "Sarah" not "This tiny worm" https://t.co/AjOKPlXn6q

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

When I was in high school I accidentally wrote that I wanted to be a firefighter for Career Day and I was the only one who chose that occupation so the fire marshal brought half his squad with him to discuss my future and at the end they made me get in the fire-truck and start it

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

I was hungry so I looked over and told Austin I wished I had some Hooters. He then laughed and said, "Yeah I wish you had some too."

It is with great sadness that I must announce my decision to end our engagement. We had a good run. I wish him the best in life

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

My fiancé still isn't talking to me because last night I wouldn't say that his grandma would beat my grandma in a fight

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

God won't let me be skinny anymore bc I got too powerful last time

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

I told my husband I thought I might be anemic and he calmly asked me if "that was the disease where you pull your eyebrow hairs out."

1) No
2) The disease where you whAT
3) What signs have indicated to you that I would have that

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

Panicked because my husband started violently shaking during his sleep so I woke him up like, "Are you okay??" And he just very sleepily muttered, "Yeah I was just dreaming." I asked, "About what?" And he said, "Doing front-flips."

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

Nothing is funnier than that time a girl invited me over to drink with her and she had made hooch— except she put it inside the crisper drawer of her refrigerator. Like, not in a bowl, no cling wrap, no container, just loose and sloshing around inside of that drawer.

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

That scene in Edward Scissorhands where that guy tried to fist fight Edward SCISSORhands

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

Just found out that it’s “make ends meet” and not “make end’s meat.” Like when someone says, “I’m really struggling to make ends meet.” I thought end’s meat was just like really inexpensive meat. Please. Please give me attention

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

Nice wholesome family time with some Korn

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

Spent twenty minutes in Total Wine bc I’m wearing a Mike’s Hard Lemonade t-shirt and it made me too embarrassed to ask an employee where they were

[helena riley @freshhel]

Been on bad behavior for several days bc i listened to 15 minutes of a boy podcast

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

@browsinghound I like one (1) song but that’s rly it tbh!!

[Redacted @hoochdrawer]

Ville Vallo please. Just once