hotbuffman69

when you call to get your pool cleaned and the guy shows up expecting sex in return for cleaning your pool. I’m that guy.

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

I’m so tired I could eat a horse

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Both truckers and dentists fuck thinks at gas stations

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

“Beer kills brain cells”
I know I’m using it to prune the bad ones away

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

There’s only one fish in the sea

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

In her box for two minutes like a hockey player

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

I’m edging

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Waking up with a hangover like what was in that beer cocktail cigarette shot of vodka another beer joint another shot and another beer

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Me: ( wondering if she can tell I lied about my job)
The woman cutting my hair: ocean king sounds stressful
Me: it can be

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Shipmate: CAPTAIN we are headed straight for the lighthouse

Captain(who is secretly a moth): fuck yeah we are

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Doctor: congratulations on the baby what are you gonna name him??

Newt gringeich lumpy crums mom: Newt gringeich lumpy crum

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

People keep saying it’s going to rain soon and I just said “it’s never going to rain again”

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

I think we are thinking of Santa all wrong with a properly calibrated artillery battery of gift cannons he could shoot all the gifts straight down peoples chimneys no sweat

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Guy: what does it eat?
Me:(falcon perched on my arm) he eats up dog
*falcon starts break dancing*
Me: not yet falcon you have to wait till he asks what it is

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

I want to fuck hot women that can pronounce the long dinosaur names

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Would you rather be Italian or wheelchair bound

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Found a skinny grey alien out in the dessert and tried to reach him how to roll a spliff but his fingers weren’t dexterous enough so I got frustrated and smashed a bottle of Jim bean bourbon on his big ass forehead

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

I wouldn’t say I’ve ever birdwatched but I’ve stollen a glance or two when the moment allowed for it

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Willy wonka a FREAK I’ve had chocolate and shit to I’m not gonna act weird because of it

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

Consequences gotta be my top 3 least favorite part of my actions

[hotbuffman69 @hotbuffman69]

I should be allowed to enter anyone’s home whenever I want. Bro chill it’s just me