Stovetop Salamander

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

Really wanted some mint ice cream so i brushed my teeth and then had a bowl of normal ice cream.

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

I still fucking hate the sound of flip flops

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

Can’t wait to stop having this irrational fear of having a stroke while wearing a mask and no one noticing

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

the reason you cook cookies to 360 degrees is becase they are um circle

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

@LouisLouisRiv @TheRock All pain no Dwayne

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

I hope somebody will think I’m cool because of my funny new WiFi network name

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

Wtf is tom nook?? A brown raccoon? Huh?

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

Why do dumb old people exist? Dood you’ve been here for so long be smarter wtf

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

I just dropped my last roll of toilet paper into the toilet as I was opening it. What to I do now?

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

the hard to open pistachios don't taste good

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

@LouisLouisRiv ok

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

The nail on my pointer finger always reminds me of those really hard to open pistachio shells

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

No

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

@lmaojulio I can’t fucking find them anywhere!

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

Waking up with Cheeto fingers never feels good

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

Idk how imma tell my friends post lockdown that I don’t have a light in my bathroom. Srry just leave the door open and use the streetlight

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

@LouisLouisRiv This tweet is too long no thank you

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

Snake is just tail

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

High honor but only with direction
Burn it and they freeze with perplexion

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

It’s new it’s mine and I bought it!

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

@LouisLouisRiv Nothing

[Stovetop Salamander @hotsaucejill]

Just asked my dog if he wanted me to leave the light on