Mrs Howie

Proud mum to world-renowned sports journalist. Like the occasional drinky poos. Bit of a hornbag 🙊

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

Julio's pet name for me was "KFC Bucket". After one of our marathon love-making sessions, he said, "after I'm finished with your breasts and thighs, all that's left is a greasy box to put my bone in." (In Español, of course) #fingerlickinggood #greasybox

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

Julio Iglesias on his private jet with a bottle of wine and a bucket of KFC

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@piersmorgan Veni vidi vici all over my face, Pearce.

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@GeoffreyBoycott @piersmorgan Is that Pearce's dad or an elderly lover?

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@piersmorgan @BLACKCAPS Pearce, no one likes this self-aware, non-aggrandising version of yourself. It's making me practically sub-saharan.

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@Edward_Paul34 @SkyCricket "Something I was involved in". Be genuinely contrite and then this thing would have been over - I think what you've described is what bothers people.

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@MikeCarlton01 Nice oar! I'd be happy paddling with that!

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

Marcus's horse won today. Congratulations, sweetie. It's definitely not gelded 🙊

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@gradecricketer @Liquorland Definitely the universal sign for testes cupping. If you don't believe me, then my Cert IV and innumerable LinkedIn skill endorsements in this domain might convince you otherwise.

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@Cricketracker It was during the early days of WSC, it was dark and bodies everywhere, but if I had to guess, I'd say it was Joel Garner.

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@2GB873 This really makes me think that we should legalise selling breast milk. I could nourish this poor students, to provide them with much needed nutrients. Direct from the tap would save of expensive distribution costs.

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@gradecricketer Pearce, ENG might want to watch this throwback to ADE Test in 2013-4 where Huss and Slats (RIP) advocate a non-homogenous approach to batting. Ha! Non-homo (not that there is anything wrong with that - trust me!). #AUSvENG #TheAshes

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@piersmorgan @root66 Sent @root66 a video of me sucking a golf ball through a garden hose this morning as an incentive. Glad to see I motivated him to get the job done with his 40th century and 1st in AUS. #AUSvENG #TheAshes #DysonLevelsOfSuction #PSI

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@piersmorgan Pearce, I think you are taking the auto-erotic asphyxiation too far. This list is symptomatic of someone who's brain has been pathologically starved of oxygen. #TheAshes #AUSvENG #AusCricket

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@piersmorgan Pearce, I think you are taking the auto-erotic asphyxiation too far. This list is symptomatic of someone who's brain has been pathologically starved of oxygen. #TheAshes #AUSvENG #AusCricket

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@GeoffreyBoycott There was no issue with Jeff's speed of play in the bedroom #tantricboycott

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@TheBarmyArmy @KP24 got a pretty friendly reception when he was last in Australia...FROM MY MOUTH 👅

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@newscomauHQ Pearce, only amateurs need kneepads. Mine are so calloused, that I'm actually taller when kneeling. @piersmorgan

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

@couriermail This one is mine and Ezzie's favourite.

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

I'm on all 4s. It's like someone is sending me a message from above 😘🐩

[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

Free full body service* to anyone born on 5 May ± 182.5 days. Use the discount code GRANJOB at the checkout.

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[Mrs Howie @howiesmum]

I'd love to come up with a clever pun about #JoshTongue but I'm not a cunning linguist. I bet he is though 👅 #AUSvsENG #Ashes23