howthehelen

📍Raleigh-based, ☘️ Belfast-born, 🖤💛 Pittsburgh-raised, 🎤 joke-telling so-and-so 🏳️‍🌈

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

My new fitness goal is pregnant Rihanna 🙌

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

Is it “Super Bowl?” I’ve been saying “Super Ball” 🏈

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

My niece was a sheep for Halloween. Ironically, all of her friends were Elsa.

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

With inflation, we’d better start telling people they look like a billion bucks. 💰👌

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

Fun game to play with Irish people: Give them compliments and watch them panic. ☘️🇮🇪

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

They say #sharks can smell fear, but have they ever been exposed to any other emotion? 🤔🦈

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

I’m not ready to be a mother. I’m just not. I’m like Peter Pan. He’d be a terrible mother.

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

Tomorrow’s April! Congrats to my fellow basketball fans on the end of March Madness. 🗑🏀

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

I know it’s late in the month to be asking, but what is March Madness?

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

Sharks only eat when they’re hungry. Related: I’m looking for a shark #lifecoach 🦈

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

I mean Shakespeare was never even nominated for an #oscar

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

Safaris are the ideal vacation for people like me who love looking like a SNACK. 🔥😏💅🏻

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

I once joined #readingrainbow because I thought it was an #lgbt book club. None of those kids had read “Untamed.” 🤦‍♀️

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

One week from the #Oscars and I’m calling Best Picture for Belfast. #biased

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

I wasn’t born yesterday. But I did have cake. 🎂

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

I once drunkenly called my Irish mum on #StPaddysDay to tell her I had had some green beer. She told me to find some green water. #StPatricksDay

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

#NewProfilePic

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

Today we celebrate that there are no snakes with Irish accents. #StPatricksDay #thankspaddy

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

Shout out to my parents for having 4 kids pre-internet, not knowing how helpful that would be. #foresight

[howthehelen @howthehelen]

True or false: Birth certificates are just baby receipts. 🧐