i look out the window,
there's nothing in sight,
i hate my reflection with all of my might.
desperate for rescue, you write in your fear:
“come take my soul, if you happen to hear.”
i need to read more; my head needs more useful knowledge, but there's no free space left in it because of constant hyper-reflection, rumination and intellectualization. the most painful part is that nothing new takes root in me at all due to dissociative amnesia and anhedonia.
“perhaps my soul truly is so sinful, too cold and dreadfully dark, that to touch it knowingly means to freeze, and therefore i haven't deserved to not feel lonely with absolutely everyone and everywhere.”
some of you, as atheists or agnostics, have never experienced the absolute peak of despair when you are sitting awake at night, dissolved in tears, curled up in a desperate posture, praying to someone above just to make it all stop, and it really shows
they add something to existence that makes you completely unwilling to wake up or chase a “better life.”
an existential crisis, apathy, depression, and anxiety that we never asked for – wrapped in tissue and solemnly presented to us, like a gift on a long-awaited celebration.
somewhere deep down, i want to wake up early every morning and thank the almighty for giving my day meaning. i want to look out the window and see a breathtaking view of my dream city, go for walks and take photos, worry and think about nothing; breathe freely. adored escapism.
just resting from your own head by switching off thoughts isn't enough – i want to crawl out of my body and be a real ghost for a while, watching everyone without getting involved in my own problems
you are like an angel; nothing can touch you. or like an evil spirit: everyone fears it, yet no one has seen it. and if anyone has, they are either lying or already driven mad.