dirty deeds

chaotic good

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

It’s crazy to me that at this age I already hated my belly, my teeth, my hair. Myself. 🥺

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

My child has been touching me for 4 days straight

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

Does it cost more to abort multiple babies?

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

Sometimes before sex my husband asks “how wet do you want it?” - it being his penis, I think 😰 dry, please

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

@iambeccacarr Please

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

My small friend told me I smell like (my) grandma... the jig is up. where’s the reefer, old woman 👀

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

I secretly don’t like when children have mullets

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

I’m pretty sure if my husband murdered me he would also kill himself, which i find comfort in. #togetherforever

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

@cweaver19921 When I started reading this i thought you were super concerned for her safety 😂😂 Ope

[Don Squirreleone @lexisuckss]

Sometimes I wonder why I am the way I am and I remember there was a time when I was a teenager where I put exclusively Mountain Dew in my bong instead of water and ya I’m sure that has something to do with it

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

My daughter keeps telling me she does not want kids, and I keep telling her that’s literally okay! You don’t have to.

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

Your secret is safe with me* 🤫

*and my friend Whitney

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

@iambeccacarr Skip that last season tho 🥸

try workaholics!

[mariana Z @mariana057]

So, we had a meeting at work yesterday. My boss asked, “What steps would you take in case of a fire??”

“Fucking huge ones,” was not the right answer…

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

@Whitney17044076 Because I’m competing too! Jeez

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

No, I’m not voting for you in the Inked Magazine contest

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

It’s like Denver is surprised to discover I’m dumb on the regular

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

@D_Ray908 Ope, what would I do if you weren’t here to correct me all the time

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

@lexisuckss My friend Whitney made mine up when she worked at the bank 😂 and I also want to tell people 🥲

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

@Whitney17044076 Oh yes. That’s 6 months probation

[dirty deeds @humankendipede]

The term “hubby” should be illegal