Hunter Petersen

[carl @CarlsBeef]

Imagine just hanging out with Ron Coomer in a 430 square foot Mt Greenwood garage. Playoff hockey on one plasma. Cubs 2016 YouTube playlist cycles on the other. A classic Westinghouse single door standard top-mount fridge flanks the yard-facing bay window opposite a weathered and imbalanced dartboard rig.

Coomer sits on a metal folding chair your dad lifted from the church basement while setting up last years Station of the Cross fish fry. He’s so much bigger than the chair but it’s visually perfect. Just a bigger guy making the best of a bad chair set up and having a couple beers.

It is obvious Ron Coomer is a seasoned professional.

“I don’t hate ZZ Top to start but if you got Springsteen loaded then fire away partner”

Your dad ordered catering to impress Coom dog and he ordered double “just in case.”

The chicken tetrazzini turns out perfect.

Lasagna didn’t hold as well but that’s your dad’s fault for not going mostaccioli or classic spaghetti meatball. He got greedy knowing Pat Hughes hunts for good lasagna and was hoping Coom Dog would bring it up organically on air the following week.

Coom dog loves the lasagna.

“Some of the best I’ve had south of Bridgeport in at least 6 years.”

He opens his 11th beer.

“You guys recycle or can I rip this Coors Banquet empty into a spitter?”

You’ve hardly touched a Caesar salad and need to eat badly but you also cannot deny Ron Coomer. So now you’re chewing an oversized handful of Red Man Gold Blend While the Italian sausage goes cold.

The room is spinning but it’s a fair trade off. Coom Dog is telling all star game locker room stories and he’s just getting to his Roger Clemens off record material.

“Don’t get me wrong. Greatest competitor I ever faced…”

It’s 6:30pm and you’ve got 3 hours of sunlight to play with.

Uncle Gary just pulled up with two old buddies from local 597.

Your neighbor with the nice cigars can’t make it but left a sealed bag and cutter for Ron “if he likes cigars” or something extremely accommodating without infringing or inviting himself.

“I’m hitting another round of sausage” Coomer declares to no one in particular as he overloads the catering paper plate with meat juice.

“That’s the good stuff Danny.”

Your name is Jim or James depending on the circumstance but Coomer is talking directly to you.

“Drippings. Juice. Sauce. Whatever you want to call it, I want it on my sausages.”

Coom Dog then instinctively adds another paper plate to the bottom of his payload before the French rolls cave in. The ease and speed in which he doubles up these plates serves as a stark reminder that Ron Coomer hit .250 with 2 strikes for one very specific reason: sensational reflexes.

The same kind of reflexes that allow him to naturally assimilate to any social situation.

And in this hypothetical, that social situation is drinking unlimited 12 ounce domestics in a poorly remodeled detached garage in your average Chicago neighborhood with average Chicago people.

And within this hypothetical I honestly think Ron Coomer is my #1 guy in Chicago sports right now to have a great time.

Roenick has a seat at the table. So does Rizzo and a few others. But if I can only have one then I’m going Ron Coomer and I’m not thinking twice.

He’s the best.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

A cow running loose on campus is the truest test of if you’re an original Big Ten team

[DOM @DOM_Frederic]

THIS TEAM REFUSES TO QUIT

[Taylor McGregor @Taylor_McGregor]

W

[Kyle Corwin @kylecorwintakes]

idc if this is a boomer take:

Listening to the radio broadcast of a baseball game is WILDLY underrated

[Oklahoma Space Captain @WGTD_Tracer]

Still to this day, my favorite American Aquarium album

[Jeremy Werner @JWerner247]

#illini Andrej Stojakovic on Instagram Live: "I love you guys. We're running this shit back, and we're coming for that national championship. ...Expect us to win a lot of games and expect us to laugh while doing it because we're going to have a lot of fun."

[Illini Muse @IlliniMuse]

No One:
Marcus Domask in 2024:

[Jonathan Givony @DraftExpress]

NEWS: Tomislav Ivisic, Zvonimir Ivisic and Jake Davis will return to Illinois next season, Misko Ražnatović told DraftExpress.

The trio joins David Mirkovic, who announced earlier today, giving Brad Underwood 4 of his top 8 scorers back from last season's Final Four team.

[Keaton Wagler @KeatonW34]

#theretention

[🆃ⓐ🅹🅷 ♕ @Recru1t1ng_Guru]

Cheers to the Final 4 #illini

[Joey Wagner @mrwagner25]

So anyway, college basketball rocks.

[University of Illinois @UofIllinois]

It was always going to be Illinois in the Final Four. 🗣️

[Tristan Thomas @TristanThomasTV]

#Illini David Mirkovic wearing a cowboy hat for postgame interviews:

Where did he get it? Amazon.

How much? $34

What brand? Not sure.

Does he feel like a cowboy? "Yeah, why not, we in Texas."

Video: KXAN

[Illini Nation @IlliniNation_]

Me liking every single piece of Illini content on my timeline:

[Tom Fornelli @TomFornelli]

Me liking every Illini tweet for the last 90 minutes

[Carson Gourdie @GourdieReport]

#illini Final Four

Illinois, party like it is 2005

[Joey Wagner @mrwagner25]

Andrej Stojakovic delivering the news.

[The BoardRoom-ic @ILLBoardRoom]

Thank you Ayo

Thank you Trent

Thank you Kofi

Thank you Terrence

Thank you Marcus

Thank you Coleman

Thank you to all the Illini who helped turn this program around

We’re going to the Final Four