Jared

Former Junior Prom King.

[Jared @husseyjared]

Alex Trebek: Yes.

Alex's Girlfriend: Will you marry me?

[Jared @husseyjared]

Very big fan of Marty Supreme and loved the 1950s vibes but did not enjoy the part where he screams “GOOGLE ME” at those high school kids

[Clash Report @clashreport]

Netanyahu speaks for 2 minutes about how Israel did not kill Charlie Kirk.

[Jared @husseyjared]

https://t.co/hoEe7ap3dv

[HuffPost @HuffPost]

Trump announced he will posthumously award Kirk the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor. https://t.co/lSKAmTGHaf

[Jared @husseyjared]

Republicans: our men are actual MEN and we will use our guns and fight for freedom. We fear NOTHING

Republicans when they see a transgender person:

[Republicans against Trump @RpsAgainstTrump]

Trump: “They want transgender for everybody. Everybody transgender”

Wut

[Jared @husseyjared]

do mosquitos eat the blood or do they just do it for the love of the game

[Jared @husseyjared]

We are one more Epstein breaking news away from Trump instituting the purge

[Jared @husseyjared]

Every movie should have a Freaky Friday plot somewhere in there. Just 2 characters who inexplicably switch bodies. I don’t care what kind of movie it is. Goodfellas, Scream, The Notebook. Imagine Oppenheimer if he switched bodies with Einstein. Billion dollar idea

[Jared @husseyjared]

“Hey babe did you see this? Absolutely disgusting. Some men are so sick that they’d go out and buy this for themselves… So anyway Father’s Day is coming up.”

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

Sydney Sweeney is selling a limited-edition soap made with her own bathwater.

“Fans always joke about wanting my bath water, I was like, ‘This is just such a cool way to… give them what they want.’”

[Jared @husseyjared]

Why’d I think this was Connor from Love on the Spectrum

[The Jennifer Hudson Show @JHudShow]

Somebody’s watching me; it’s @PennBadgley!

[Jared @husseyjared]

When my dog sees another dog on a walk

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

DO NOT RETALIATE AND YOU WILL BE REWARDED

[Jared @husseyjared]

I auditioned to be the cool guy doctor in the Pitt but they told me and I quote “SIR THIS IS NOT HBO THIS IS A REAL HOSPITAL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DROP THE SCALPEL”

[Jared @husseyjared]

My worst fear is upsetting this guy and getting roasted on Twitter

[derek guy @dieworkwear]

you use sweatshops

[Jared @husseyjared]

When the baby immediately shits in the fresh diaper

[evan loves worf @esjesjesj]

I’ll give you one guess what he’s talking about

[Jared @husseyjared]

Hold on just let me let the 3 year old out back to see if she’s gotta go to the bathroom before we leave

[JD Vance @JDVance]

Today while walking my 3 year old daughter a group of “Slava Ukraini” protesters followed us around and shouted as my daughter grew increasingly anxious and scared.

I decided to speak with the protesters in the hopes that I could trade a few minutes of conversation for them leaving my toddler alone. (Nearly all of them agreed.)

It was a mostly respectful conversation, but if you’re chasing a 3-year-old as part of a political protest, you’re a shit person.

[Jared @husseyjared]

friend’s parents: screaming at each other about directions

me in the backseat:

[Jim Newell @jim_newell]

How we doin bud?

[Jared @husseyjared]

This is Vinny from Jersey Shore

[Right Wing Watch @RightWingWatch]

Father Calvin Robinson finished his remarks at the National Pro-Life Summit by throwing an Elon Musk salute, much to the delight of the crowd.

[Jared @husseyjared]

Trump supporters have been waiting to sing the second verse of country grammar

[CBS News @CBSNews]

Rapper Nelly is set to perform at one of President-elect Donald Trump's three official inaugural balls on Monday, sources familiar with inauguration planning told CBS News. https://t.co/4F3gJSEeuZ

[Jared @husseyjared]

@reuben_fearb @chillmoron @grok I think if we keep doing this it’ll eventually implode

[Jared @husseyjared]

@reuben_fearb @chillmoron

[Jared @husseyjared]

Got kicked out of the squid game because I kept falling in love with the other contestants