Wes Buffington

somebody’s had too much to think

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

Shohei Ohtani and I have a lot in common, for instance, we are both named Shohei Ohtani

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

Jurassic park? I hardly know herassic park!

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

…in due time? Yeah, in Scooby Doo Time!

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

one week since I tweeted yits been

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

yits been

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

Just had my first fight with my AI girlfriend but she’s stuck on whisper mode so I had to squint to read her lips as she quietly berated me for three hours straight and now I have irreversible eye strain, the things we do for love am I right?

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

One time an ant crawled into my ear with 10 crumbs and I shook my head like I had swimmers ear but only 5 crumbs fell out. This repeated everyday for three months and today I shook my head extra hard and six crumbs fell out, I think the ant assumed I raised the rent.

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

Based on the novel Pull by Emerald

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

mainlining maple syrup to Become Canadian and then immediately drawing Miso Soup into the syringe for Japanese Mode

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

I’m in a very important meeting with The Simpsons. They’re not as funny in real life, but they’re much more yellow than I expected.

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

Can’t even turn 100 years old without getting one-upped by a tortoise

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

OKC? More like OKSEA! Buncha fish! Floppin! FLOPPIN FISH! referee? More like referSEA! They only have sympathy for the FISH!

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

I have ten dimples on each cheek

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

Illegal Furniture,, Banned Armoires

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

My dentist got really mad at me for not knowing the make and model of my electric toothbrush and gave me a filling just to spite me

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

My skin is glowing green and no one is asking why

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

I’m starting to see levels of condescension on here that were previously exclusive to Reddit. Know your place.

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

mom found the piss chifforobe

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

guy who pronounces Grade-A like Madea

[Wes Buffington @hyperusual]

my mental spaceship just landed on planet rock’n’roll. Uh yeah, I think I’m home.